The Long-Overdue Baby Shower Post

I'm not feeling particularly well today, so I thought this would be a good day to post the pictures of my baby shower.  There probably won't be as much narrative as I had originally hoped to offer, but a picture is worth a thousand words, right?

The Theme was "Mama's Sweet Lil' Pumpkin."

I had to ask our neighbor to buy this pumpkin off her porch on the morning of the shower, so I would have time to decorate it before the shower.  I had gone shopping a couple of days after Halloween, assuming that pumpkins would be on sale.  Instead, they were all gone.  Luckily, our neighbor is an incredibly nice woman and she was more than happy to give me the pumpkin, free-of-charge, when she heard what I would be using it for.

The shower was held at The Prince's family's restaurant.  I think the theme tied in perfectly with the comfy and quaint atmosphere of the restaurant.

I tried to stick to more of a fall theme, with touches of "baby boy" stuff, as opposed to a barrage of all things baby.

But, so as not to forget the reason behind the shower, I threw in some light blue accents here and there...like these Martha Stewart tissue poms (not as quick and easy to make as you would think).

I don't have pictures of the actual favors, but I have extra favors, so someday I will take and post pictures of them.  Until then, here's the thousand words... The favors were vanilla-scented, light blue candles in baby food jars.  I bought them from a single mother who makes them and sells them online.  I then had a graphic designer on Etsy.com design labels for the baby food jars, with personalized information about the shower and our baby (ex.- ingredients were things like love, giggles, happiness, etc.).  I printed the labels out on a color printer (it is a lot cheaper to buy a design and make your own labels than to buy pre-made labels), cut them out, and stuck them on the jars.  They really looked like baby food labels until you looked at them closely.  I also cut out designs matching the theme of the labels to place on top of the jars' lids, so they would say "Thank you" instead of "Gerber" or "Beechnut."  Next, I placed them individually in orange bags, hole-punched a small hole in each bag to gather the top of the bags, and threaded a ribbon through the hole and a favor tag I had printed.  The favor tag gave info about the shower and, on the inside, had the following poem:

"Here's a candle for you to light,
Once the stork has made its flight.
With the flicker of the flame,
Please send hugs and kisses in our baby's name."

I'm biased, but I thought they were cute.

 People were so generous and the baby got so much cute stuff.  I blame all the gifts for him deciding to try to pop out four days after the shower...he couldn't wait to wear all the adorable outfits and play with all of the cute toys.  We also asked people to bring books in lieu of cards, so we could build the baby's library early.  The books we got were fabulous and I have been reading to the baby a lot during our hospital stay.

I had to add some pictures of this Baby Shower Biker Bunny that my sister-in-law's sister-in-law (not sure that what makes her to me...friend I guess) made out of burp clothes, bibs, diapers, receiving blankets and bottles.  It was ADORABLE and I am definitely stealing it as a gift idea for showers I go to in the future.

This is me opening a gift of hand-crocheted baby booties, cap, coat and blanket, made by The Prince's great grandmother for him when he was a baby.  The Prince was a June baby, so he never got to wear them, but The Prince's mom saved them for the day that he had his own baby.  When she pulled out the gift from our baby's great-great-grandma, I couldn't help but cry.

One of the many highlights of the shower was when I opened this gift.  My mother-in-law commented that it was too bad that they don't have these jumper things that hang from door frames for adults, as they seem like so much fun.  My dear friend piped up "Oh they do.  They just don't really get used for jumping...though I guess they could."  My mother-in-law (who tends to be quite prim and proper) didn't get what my friend was talking about for a few seconds, but once she did, she laughed to the point of crying.  My friend apologized and said "Sorry.  That was probably inappropriate."  My mother0in-law replied "Oh, we like inappropriate here."  Never would have seen that coming!!!  After the shower, my mother-in-law commented that I have really great friends...she's right!

One of the many books that people were generous enough to share.

And, finally, I am posting my favorite picture from the shower.  I don't look particularly good in it, but I don't like how I look in any pictures.  Still, it is my favorite because it is one of the few pictures that exist of The Prince and I together, and I think it captured how truly happy and blessed we are feeling about this pregnancy.  I'm not sure how a picture can capture that...but I feel like this one does.

On our way to happily ever after...finally.

I want to say thank you, again, to all of my IF friends who came to the shower.  I know how hard it can be to come to a baby shower when you are battling with IF, and I know it wasn't easy for you to come celebrate with me.  But as I said at the shower, you were all such a huge part of The Prince and I making it this far in our own long journey, I couldn't imagine celebrating this victory without all of you.  I can't wait until I am attending each and every one of your baby showers.  Thank you for making the day of my baby shower (a day I had dreamed about for years and had almost given up hope would ever come) one of the best days of my life.

Words of Wisdom

Yesterday was my baby shower.  Many times over the last couple of years, I feared I might never know the joy of that celebration.  But my friends and family gave me hope and the strength to continue trying.  And yesterday, they were there for me…to celebrate the success that they all played such a big role in.  There is a lot I want to say about the shower and, once I have some more pictures to post, I will probably devote an entire post to the shower.  But today, there is one thing that I received at the shower that I want to focus on.

I love getting words of advice and decided to make a “Wishes For Baby” card for the shower guests to fill out, to encourage my friends and family to share their wisdom.  My plan is to make the cards into a scrapbook for our baby to enjoy later in life.  Everyone was VERY generous at the shower, but I think my favorite gifts may have been the words of love people chose to share with my child.  Reading through the cards today, I couldn’t stop crying.  I am so blessed and our baby is so blessed to have such amazing people in our lives.  I can’t help but to share just a few of my favorite responses from the cards…

I hope you learn: 

  -the world is a good place.

  -to roll with the punches.

  -something new every day.

  -life is what you make it.

  -to never give up on what you want the most.

  -to be loving and kind.

  -to ask for help.

I hope you aren’t afraid:  

  -of trying new things.

  -to let your feelings show.

  -to be yourself.

  -of anything!     

I hope you love:  

  -yourself.

  -your wonderful family.

  -to learn.

  -with all your heart.

I hope you get:  

  -wonderful friendships.

  -lots of hugs.

  -all you work hard for.

  -everything you need in life and some of the things you want.

I hope you laugh:  

  -merrily and often.

  -at your dad’s jokes.

  -at your own mistakes.

  -every day.

I hope you never forget:  

  -how much your parents wanted you.

  -how special you are.

  -to say “I love you.”

  -how much you are loved.

I hope you ignore:  

  -mean/rude people.

  -faults in others.

  -your own insecurities.

  -setbacks.

I hope you become:  

  -happy and healthy.

  -anything you want to be.

  -a gentleman.

  -rich and famous, but most of all happy.

I hope you respect:  

  -your mom and dad.

  -your grandparents.

  -the environment.

  -yourself, always.

I hope you grow:  

  -strong and wise.

  -happy and healthy.

  -loving, like your mom and dad.

  -as tall as your dad and as beautiful as your mom.

My friends are the best!!!

Learning to Say "No" When I Want To Say "Yes"

Fairy tales have a plot line.  No superfluous sub-plots or stories.  Everything is about the hero/heroine getting to the end of their journey quickly and linearly.  I’m trying to take a lesson from the fairy tales and streamline my life right now because I feel like my story is currently nothing but sub-plots.  I have friends having baby showers and babies and, while I am so happy that I have made it to a place where I’m not panicking about these things anymore and can look forward to the happy events, those events are still stressful, if only in a good but “busy” sort of way.  I have new infertility friends and old infertility friends that I am constantly writing to and saying, let’s make plans…but then I start to panic because I realize I am running out of time between doctor’s appointments, work, injections, acupuncture, etc.  I truly want to get together with everyone, but I keep making plans and sometimes I have to break those plans because I’ve made too many for my psyche to handle.  And the recent issues I was having with the pill (the health problems are improving, by the way) really cut into my schedule because for a couple of weeks it has been hard for me to do anything after work.

On top of all of this, I have the sub-plot of my sister-issues.  Thank you for all of the support on that front, by the way.  To update you on that, her husband got his notice that he is being deported in May because he did not finish one form that he needed to fill out.  Never mind that he has been given over a year by the immigration judge to get that form filled out.  Never mind that churches and family and friends have spent thousands of dollars trying to get him his green card.  He’s decided to walk away, knowing that he won’t be able to attempt to re-enter the country for 10 years (not that I’m exactly crying over that aspect of this situation).  To avoid being detained while he awaits deportation, he has opted to leave voluntarily before the deportation date.  He has bought a plane ticket for himself (and my nephew will fly for free) for April 15^th.  I spoke with my sister yesterday and she started to explain her reasons for sending my nephew away, insisting it is temporary and he will come back.  I told her that she has no custody order in a U.S. court so, even if the government of Belize would be inclined to honor a custody agreement, she will have no grounds at all for fighting to get my nephew back once he is gone.  Having fallen in love with my nephew on sight, I doubt that my sister’s husband’s family will be inclined to let my nephew go once they have been raising him for awhile.  I think it is more likely that, when my sister and my niece go to Belize this summer for a visit, no one will be coming back to America.  Given the urgency of the situation, the Prince and I visit my sister’s family next weekend (the 9^th and 10^th).  I told my sister that I do not want to talk about why we are there.  She knows how I feel about the decision she is making and I know her reasons for making the decision.  We are never going to agree on this, so why make things uncomfortable.  It is going to be so hard to say goodbye, but I’ve decided that it would be harder to regret not saying goodbye.  So there’s that going on.

Because I am now going away for that weekend in April, I have had to reschedule things I had planned for that weekend…moving them to the next weekend.  The problem is, that next weekend I am registered for (and have paid to attend) the annual MENSA Mind Games event…where toy companies submit prototypes of new games for MENSA members to play and judge.  You must play 30 games between Friday at 4:00 p.m. and Sunday at 9:00 a.m.  So, it is essentially a game marathon.  You aren’t expected to sleep.  I am also supposed to be attending a friend’s baby shower and marriage counseling that Saturday.  I have written to the Mind Games director and explained that I have a health issue that will make it next to impossible for me to fulfill my duties as a participant.  I will give my spot up for one of the people on the waiting list or someone who could not afford the registration fee, and will just volunteer as my “condition” allows.  Realistically…I’m not lying.  IF is a health condition, and how am I going to handle taking Lupron injections and estrogen pills, while playing games for 40 hours?  I know how I am on those meds…I’m liable to cry every time I lose a game…and cry every time I win a game.  Plus, I get so fatigued, I don’t think I can stay up for 40 hours straight.  I’m not even sure that it is a good idea to go to my friend’s baby shower, even if I can get out of Mind Games, because I foresee mental exhaustion and terrible hormone imbalances making me a mess that day.  Sprinkle in a little morning marriage counseling and it is really a recipe for disaster.

The medium/intuitive I saw on Wednesday night (I know…I have to get back to that at some point) said (as I was walking down the hall towards her) “Your mind is like a rolodex…stuff just spinning and flying all over.  You really need to slow it down.  Make some space.  Clear your social calendar and focus on making space for a baby.”  I’ve got to say, I feel like she’s right.  But it is so hard to say “no,” especially when there are so many things I want to do.  I keep crying today.  I don’t know if it is because of the Lupron/coming off the pill, because of exhaustion or because I am sending out all of my emails telling people I just can’t do things this month.  I wish I had some catchy April Fool’s themed post to offer today, but I don’t.  Even writing is taking a lot of effort today.



The Pooped-out Princess (a.k.a. the Drained Diva)



This weekend was incredibly difficult.  I had three breakdowns during my friend's baby shower.  I would feel the tears starting to well-up in my eyes and I would make a hasty exit to the bathroom, where I would sob for a few minutes (hoping that no one was listening at the door), and then try to fix my make-up and put on a brave face to reenter the baby shower.  It wasn’t just the whole “baby shower” scene that got to me, it was all of the talk of pregnancy and newborns (there were three at the shower) and the constant questions about whether I had any children.  I had given my pregnant friend a ride to the shower and, given that she has gone through infertility, she could see what a mess I was two and-a-half hours into the shower, sandwiched in a seat between to newborn babies and their doting grandmothers.  She pushed me to leave and I can’t say that I put up much of a fight.  Even though I left a little early, I’m glad that I went to the shower.  I have an idea of what is going to trigger a crying fit now, and I know when I am reaching my limit of stress and sadness.  As for shower ideas to steal…I now know that I will never invite 40 people to my home for a baby shower and I will likely do gift-opening while everyone else is eating, so as to move things along.  There can be too much of a good thing...just ask my friend...her relatives stayed for 9 and-a-half hours before she finally shooed them away.

Surprisingly, my visit to the maternity ward to see our friend’s newborn, later in the day on Saturday, was easier to get through than the baby shower.  I held the baby for a long time, changed a dirty diaper and gabbed with the proud mommy and daddy.  Even as I sat in the hospital room, I wondered what was so different about holding my friend’s newborn and sitting next to the newborns at the shower?  Why did one feel good and the other send me into a tailspin.  I decided that the shower was more difficult because there was so much going on there that I couldn’t deep breathe my way through the whirlwind of emotions.  I couldn’t stay calm because I wasn’t in a calm environment…I was at a party.  When I’m not overwhelmed, I can make it through baby-time.  In the quiet I can find strength.  But organized chaos is not my friend.

I also had no difficulty at my friend’s house, on Sunday, tumbling around with her toddler twins.  I can’t say that I never got sad while playing with the little angel-faced babes.  Sometimes they would run into their mother’s arms, yelling “Mommy!”  And then they would smile as she scooped them up in a hug.  That was hard to watch without tearing-up.  I wasn’t jealous…it was more complicated than that.  It was like the intensity of the happiness they felt when they were in her arms radiated off them and onto me.  I was tearing-up because the intense happiness was so scary to me, and it felt so foreign to me, that it triggered immediate sadness and feelings of loss.  Luckily, those feelings would pass quickly…usually as soon as one child hit the other over-the-head with a block or whatever blunt instrument was available…as children do.

I had said going into the weekend that I would need to look at this weekend as a learning experience.  A chance to press up against my boundaries and see where they are at right now.  An opportunity to learn how to cope with my emotions in public.  In that sense, this weekend was a success.  But the lessons left me emotionally exhausted and I think I need to give myself a little bit of time before testing my own limits again.    

On the Other Side of the Castle Walls

Because the retreat fell through, I thought a nice quiet weekend at home was in order.  However, the Prince has been in an increasingly difficult and distant mood lately, so by Saturday morning I realized that my weekend would not be restful “inside the castle.”  To avoid the discomfort of staying at home, I decided to “leave” for a day.  I found a great deal on a nice hotel room in the same city that we live in and I booked it.  I came up with a weekend schedule for myself, full of yoga and indulgence, watching movies at the theater and in my hotel room, ordering room service and just relaxing in general.  I also threw in the shopping trip that I have been putting off for weeks - getting a gift for the first of many baby showers that I will be attending in the near future.

I decided to go get the baby gift out of the way first, so I would have time to recover afterwards.  I walked into Buy Buy Baby and was immediately engulfed in a world of baby toys, clothing, furniture, potty chairs, diapers, etc.  I’m not going to lie, at times it was hard to suck in a breath.  I couldn’t tell you what one other person in the store looked like because I had to just focus intently on the list I brought from my friend’s baby registry in order to avoid a panic attack.  I made it through the experience, but the rest of the baby shower gifts are getting purchased online.  That was simply no fun.

So…jump to the hotel room a few hours later.  I was all settled into my very nice room when, at 5:00 p.m., I noticed that I was stressing out.  I kept wondering, should I order room service or drive to the mall and get take out.  I had planned to get takeout, but them I didn’t want to leave the hotel room once I got there.  I was so distressed over the idea of veering from my plans, I literally spent over an hour making myself a sick because I couldn’t reach a decision.  Then, I started thinking about my husband and my problems with how things are progressing, or not progressing, in our relationship.  Before I knew it, I was tense and unhappy…bouncing from one negative topic to the other…the very things I was running from.  And then…I heard a baby crying.  Apparently, a family with an infant had been put in the room next to me and, as babies do, this baby cried…a lot.

I got so stressed out that I actually became angry because my “weekend of relaxation” was being ruined.  I could have just stayed home if I wanted to be stressed.  While sulking about my bad fortune, I ran a hot bath and I soaked.  I went for a late swim in the pool at the hotel.  Then I used a calming body scrub and gave myself a spa treatment in the room…telling myself the whole time “Just enjoy this.  The other stuff doesn’t matter tonight.  It will be there tomorrow.”  And, after repeating it enough, it was true and I did start to enjoy myself.  I ordered room service.  I ate a delicious steak and drank a root beer float (something I haven’t had since I was a child).  I ordered an in-room movie that I knew the Prince would not enjoy (not the naughty kind) and fell asleep during the movie (clearly the Prince was not the only one who would not enjoy it). 

As I awoke this morning, I started to make a list of everything I had to do today, both relaxation-related and functional tasks.  And then that smart little voice in my head spoke up and said…”This is why you don’t need a weekend retreat elsewhere right now.  It isn’t going to solve your problem.”  Offended (by myself), I wondered what that meant.  So, I did some yoga and then considered what I was feeling.  The voice, as usual, is right.  Had I gone away for the weekend, I would have been busy with juicing or yoga classes or meditation, or “skin brushing.”  My weekend would be scheduled out for me and I would use the non-stop activities, not as a means of working through my issues, but as a distraction allowing a temporary escape from the issues I face each day.  While I thought escape was what I needed, now I don’t think that is right.  I needed to just creep over the castle walls for a breather, while staying close enough to the castle that I couldn’t forget what’s awaiting me when I get back inside the castle. 

This mini-retreat didn’t fix my problems, didn’t even leave me fully recharged.  But it did teach me a valuable lesson that I am going to need going in to the next cycle - let the little annoyances and obstacles (I picture them as small, child-like trolls) sit beside me while I do what NEEDS to be done, until I can focus my attention on them, one at a time.  I don’t need to carry them on my back or juggle them around.  They’ll follow me around, sometimes patiently and sometimes not so patiently, if I just keep moving along, dealing with them as needed.  Having them there clearly isn’t killing me.  I don’t have to run away to escape them…I just have to be aware that they are there and they eventually need to be dealt with.  Sometimes a trip outside of the castle walls helps you see more clearly what lives inside the castle.