Thanksgiving Letter To Baby

Dear Baby,

Today is Thanksgiving Day, something you don’t know about yet.  In school someday you will learn about Native Americans and pilgrims and will make painted turkeys to celebrate this holiday.  But at home, you will learn that Thanksgiving Day is a special day each year because the day gives us a chance to remember to be grateful for what a wonderful life we have... something that is easy to forget in the hustle and bustle of everyday life.  In our house, it is also about eating massive quantities of yummy food (wait until you taste daddy’s family’s cooking), but that just helps make us even more grateful for what we have.  I just wanted to give you a sneak peek at the wonderful things waiting for you out here…things you will soon be adding to your “gratitude list.”

You have an amazing family.  I’m not talking about me and daddy (although he will likely tell you many times how awesome he is).  I’m talking about your extended family.  Daddy and I have fought so hard to have you and, as much as we love you and consider you the missing piece that made our family complete, you should know that our family doesn’t stop with the three of us.  You have a whole huge family of men and women, related and un-related to you, who have been waiting for your arrival.  You will soon learn that “family” isn’t just about who you are related to…it’s about who loves you.  And you are so loved, Baby.   It is sad that not every child can say that.  Hopefully you will learn to pay forward all of the love you are shown and to be generous to those children who don’t have the same blessings you do.  You have some great examples to show you the way in that area, as your extended family is generous and kind…attributes I hope you will learn from them.

Another thing you have to be thankful for is that there was an amazing woman who, not quite a year ago, agreed to give your mommy and daddy the most amazing gift anyone could give.  We tried so hard to bring you into the world, but we were having trouble doing it on our own…and even with the help of doctors things just weren’t working for us.  But then, an amazing woman agreed to donate some of her eggs to us, so we could use them to make a baby…and that baby is you.  I like to think that she knew how much your daddy and I would love you, and that she cared about all of us enough to help us make our family whole.  You will always be my baby, but we will never forget or stop being grateful for the gift that extraordinary woman gave us.

Someday, you will hear the story about how you tried to make your appearance into this world a little early…about 10 weeks early!  Perhaps you inherited your patience, or lack thereof, from your mommy and daddy.  Or, perhaps you just had such a fun time at your baby shower that you decided you wanted to come out and play with all of the neat gifts you received.  Either way, although your daddy and I have had a very hard time waiting for your arrival, we are willing to wait a little longer to see your smile.  We don’t want you to come see us too soon, as that would mean you could have some health problems that we don’t want to see you have to go through.  As I write this, you are officially at 32 weeks gestation, a big milestone and one that the doctors and nurses didn’t think you and I were capable of.  But we are an awesome team, and you are so strong, I think we are going to keep beating the odds for awhile.  We’ve done it once already, right?  Still, we couldn’t have done it without the superior healthcare and attention we’ve received.  When you get a little older, I’ll tell you about everything that happened and we can talk about how grateful we are that you – our little turkey (I can already hear the “Oh Mom” groan) – decided to stay in my belly and keep on cooking for awhile longer.  We can also talk about how important it is to have good healthcare and kind and compassionate care providers.  We can be grateful that people chose to spend their Thanksgiving 2011 working in a hospital, taking care of you and me, instead of home eating Thanksgiving feasts with their families.  And whenever you decide to make your appearance, I have complete faith that you are going to be a healthy and happy baby…and we can talk about how grateful I was/am for that. 

Most of all, Baby, I want you to know how thankful I am for you…that you chose to come bless us with your presence.  Daddy is thankful too…he just doesn’t express his feelings in words as often as I do.  You are a miracle in so many ways, and I love you so much (even when you are kicking me in the ribs).  Out of all of the blessings I have to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, you are by far the greatest.  I can’t wait (well…just for a little longer I can wait) to have you in my arms, to start showing you the love this world holds for you.  You will get to learn all of the blessings you have in the coming years, but mommy and daddy already know how blessed they are.

Love you so much,

Your Mommy

The Unwanted Accessory

Yesterday, I wore throw-up to an office training.  Yeah.  Classy.

The attorneys at my state agency were called in for an impromptu 2 ½ hour training at 9:30 a.m. yesterday.  That’s not a great time of day for my stomach.  I tried to sit close to the door, but people kept asking me to move over (further away from the door), so that more people could fit into the room.  When they turned off the air conditioning so that the people in the back of the room could hear the speaker better, I knew I was in trouble.  Sure enough, about one hour into the training, I had to step on people’s feet as I ran for the bathroom (which, luckily, was across the hall from the training room).  There were two other women in the bathroom at the time, but I couldn’t concern myself with them.  After about 15 minutes of praying to the porcelain god, I sheepishly left the bathroom stall to find the two women waiting for me.  They offered to take me to the hospital or to drive me home and, although I’ve been trying to tame my tendency to tell relative strangers about my pregnancy, I didn’t want them to worry, so I had to tell them that I was okay…I was just pregnant.  They offered to get me crackers and ginger ale, or to run over to the adjacent building with a cafeteria and see if they could find me soup or juice.  They were so sweet, but I was so humiliated, I just wanted to get away from them.

I took the elevator the four floors down to my office, ate a few saltines and bought a bottle of ginger ale from a vending machine.  Then, realizing that my supervisor would likely be unhappy about my extended absence from the mandatory training, I went back to the hot, stuffy, crowded training room.  I got seated and looked up to find that everyone across the table from me was staring at me.  I assumed it was because I had left so abruptly, so I lowered my eyes to avoid their stares.  That’s when I saw it…two large yellow wet spots on my light pink blouse (which becomes see-through when wet).  Apparently, the two women in the bathroom were too concerned for my well-being to notice that I had thrown-up on myself, or perhaps they were just too embarrassed to mention it.  Either way, I don’t think there was much question in my coworkers’ minds about what was on my shirt.  Humiliated, I again stepped over everyone and went back to the bathroom to try to wash my blouse (which then became even more see-through).  I don’t know why I didn’t look in the mirror earlier…probably because I was trying to escape from the two kind women from the bathroom.

I returned to the training room just as the presenter was finishing up.  I was afraid that I was going to get in trouble for missing so much of the training.  I couldn’t stand the idea of having to explain to my supervisor what had happened.  So, I was really pleasantly surprised when she came over to me and asked, in a whisper, whether I was alright.  She didn’t mention my shirt (which I was very grateful for) and she said that I didn’t need to worry about the training.  Later, I overheard some buzz around the office about whether I had a stomach bug or was pregnant, but no one actually confronted me about what happened and no one has really treated me any differently since the incident. 

Interestingly, looking back on the situation today, I am not really as upset by what happened as I normally would be.  Don’t get me wrong, the ordeal was REALLY embarrassing at the time.  But in a weird way, I am kind of grateful that it happened because it made me realize what a great position I am in right now.  Even though I wore throw-up to an office meeting, no one has been rude to me about it.  The two women in the bathroom, whom I had never met before that experience, were willing to leave work to take me to the hospital or home.  I’m a complete stranger to them…but they are so kind that they didn’t hesitate to offer their assistance.  If I heard someone retching in the bathroom, I have to admit that I would have just run to another bathroom before I suffered the same fate as the retcher.  Not these women…they were better than I am.  Then there’s my supervisor.  If this happened at the firm I used to work for, I would have been chastised by the partners.  They had little tolerance for any sickness or the need for special accommodations.  In contrast, in my current job, when my supervisor found out I was pregnant, she offered to allow me to park in a handicap parking spot, right next to the building, whenever I find that I am no longer able to make the walk from the parking garage to our building.  She offered to get a laptop for me so that I could work from home, giving me the peace of mind that, even if I am put on bed rest, I won’t lose my income leading up to the baby’s birth.  I know that this reaction by an employer is not the norm.  I know that I am blessed to work with, and for, such amazing people.  It is unfortunate that it took wearing throw-up to a meeting to really make me fully appreciate what a gift I’ve been given, but I think that sometimes that is how life works.  Although I hope I never have to wear throw-up again (at work or otherwise), this one time…I’ll take it.

Positive Polly's Cousin - Grateful Greta - Saves The Prince's Royal Rump

I keep trying to be positive.  I know I need to be positive this cycle.  But I’m struggling.  There is so much I don’t have done.  There are so many frustrating things going on in my life that are completely out of my control.  There are so many fun activities that I have had to bail on…again.  There is so much to be grumpy about, and boy am I letting myself be grumpy about those things.  I may even be looking for things to be grumpy about at this point.

For example, the last few days I have wanted to kick The Prince right in his buttocks.  He is being his usual distant self now that injections of Lupron have started and the cycle has become “real.”  He spends more time looking at himself in the mirror and talking about his muscles and how his clothing doesn’t fit right because of his giant muscles than he spends doing anything else…including paying attention to me (what happened to the sweet little science geek I married?).  He refuses to help with spring cleaning.  He is moody and sensitive (I know…Pot meet Kettle).  This morning, he decided to watch a movie with horses in it (our girl dog is obsessed with horses on the TV).  Josephine barked and barked all morning until finally, at 6:30, I got up and asked him why he was just letting her bark…and why he was watching a horse movie knowing she would bark while I was sleeping.  His response “it’s not all about you.”  Really?!?  Is it all about you, two year old in a grown man’s body?  If I hear the phrase “But I don’t want to” come out of his mouth one more time…I swear I’m going to punch him in the nose (not really…but a girl can dream).

I am well aware that the Lupron is probably partially to blame for my irritation with The Prince.  It’s not like this stuff is particularly out of the ordinary for him, but it has only recently bothered me to the point of actual anger…so hormones must be at least a little bit of a factor.  But I can remember a cycle, not so long ago, when he was doing the same exact things…except I was in this “zen” place emotionally, and just let it all roll off of me, like water off a duck’s back.  I had been meditating and I think I had just finished reading Eat, Pray, Love.  I realized that being upset about his behavior would not change his behavior and that if I was getting upset with him, it was because I was choosing to allow myself to be upset…not because he was “making” me upset.  No one has that power unless you give it to them. 

In an effort to jump-start a more positive frame of mind, I am going to follow the lead of New Year Mum, in her Happy List Saturdays.  It’s not Saturday…but I am going to take a baby step towards more positive thinking by listing a few things I am grateful for. 

1. I am grateful that The Prince got me roses last weekend, and that they are still looking and smelling beautiful.  They make me smile every time I look at them.
2. I am grateful that The Prince is funny and that he sprinkles little bits of humor into our household, even during the grumpy times.
3. I am grateful that I got the dining room clean.
4. I am grateful that the donor egg cycle has started and I am not waiting any more.
5. I am grateful that my infertility veteran friend had a healthy baby boy yesterday.  She deserves to be a mother and I know she will be a great one.
6. I am grateful that my two furry babies are happy and healthy.
7. I am grateful that I have lost a couple of pounds this week without feeling deprived or starved.
8. I am grateful that my belly pain, even after house cleaning, is so much better than it was just one week ago.
9. I am grateful that The Prince has to do campus tours this weekend, which gets him out of the house for a couple of hours, so that I can get some housework done.
10. I am grateful for the sunshine and warm breeze (well…relatively warm breeze).
11. I am grateful for the possibility that I may be pregnant at this time next month.
12. I am grateful for this blog, which allows me to get out all of my thoughts and feelings, and I am thankful for all of the readers of this blog, who are so kind and so supportive every single day.

Ahhh.  I do feel a little better.  Perhaps The Prince will not get a kick in the rump after all.