Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Awesome Things

Mommy's Little Grump

For over a month I’ve been choosing between getting some sleep while Ian sleeps or blogging while Ian sleeps.  You can see from the date of my last post which one has been winning.  But even though I haven’t been writing as much as I would like, I have found a few minutes each day to read and catch-up on the blogs I follow.  There are so many wonderful things happening in the lives around me, especially in the land of infertility (and post-infertility).  I feel like I need to chime in with a few of my thoughts about the wonderful things happening in my life.  So, here is my “Gushing New Post-Infertility Mommy’s Awesome Things List.”

Ian’s Smile
Ian is a lot of work…but being his mom is so rewarding.  He’s worth every diaper changed, bottle washed, drop of breast milk pumped, and night of sleep lost.  And the thing that reminds me of how lucky I am, when I’m nodding off while standing in front of the open refrigerator door only to be woken by my own “2 days with no shower” smell, is Ian’s smile.  He smiles only when he wants to, not on cue.  But his smile makes my life worth living.  Especially, the "morning smile.”  Every morning my husband watches Ian from 5:00 a.m. to 7:00 a.m. while my husband gets ready for work, so I can get two straight uninterrupted hours of sleep to start my day.  And every morning, when I come out to the living room to “take over” Ian’s care again, Ian smiles.  He smiles with his whole face.  His eyes sparkle and then they squint shut as his cheeks rise so high that they almost cover his lower lashes. The corners of his mouth rise higher and higher until his whole toothless mouth is wide open in a giant grin.  Then he holds that face, like a cartoon sunshine in a Disney movie, for a few seconds.  The best few seconds of my day.
Ian’s Poo
Yep.  That’s right.  I am going there and saying that even his poo is awesome.  You see, my son’s poo smells exactly like movie theater popcorn butter.  I have NEVER heard of anyone, baby or adult, having poo that smells so much like a specific food.  But Ian’s poo smells so much like popcorn butter, when my mother-in-law came into our house shortly after I had changed Ian’s messy diaper, she actually said “Have you been making microwave popcorn?  It smells delicious.”  How cool is it to have a kid with popcorn butter poo?  I mean, if it has to smell like something, there are certainly worse things.  Right?   

Seriously, Mom?!?  You're going to blog about my poo!

Baby Clothes
I’m not going to lie.  I worried when I found out I was having a boy that I would miss out on all of the cutesy, frilly baby clothes that go along with having a little princess daughter.  I thought that buying “boy clothes” wouldn’t be much fun.  But I was wrong.  I am loving my boy clothes shopping.  From the little newsboy cap that I bought for Ian on Saturday (my husband calls Ian “P Diddy” whenever Ian is wearing the cap…not sure why) to the little blue corduroy overalls and white polo shirt I got off ebay, I am LOVING dressing my little man.  Cute is cute…whether in pink or blue.

I hope this last part isn’t going to be discouraging for any of the ladies who are still fighting in the infertility trenches.  It isn’t meant to be.  I just have to share what is in my heart.  I am feeling so blessed and so complete now that I am a mommy.  All through my infertility struggle I felt like a part of me was missing.  I ached for the loss of the child I was never getting pregnant with…cycle after failed cycle.  I had difficulty filling the emptiness inside of me.  I know the politically correct thing to say is that I found the strength in myself and realized I didn’t need anyone or anything to make me complete.  But I would be lying if I said that.  The minute I laid eyes on Ian…not the minute I found out I was pregnant, which was when I started loving him…but the minute I laid eyes on him, I suddenly felt complete.  The emptiness was filled.  The ache went away.  And any fears I had about whether I would always feel incomplete vanished.  Ian completes me…not in the cheesey Jerry McGuire way, but rather in a real and almost palpable way.  I am a mother.  I always was.  And now I have finally have the child I waited so long for (and he’s awesome).  I feel like I was a puzzle that was missing a major piece and now that the missing piece is in place, you can finally see the whole picture of who I am.  Ian makes me whole.

There are too many “Awesome Things” to write about at one time, so I’ll stop here.  I’ve just shared so much heartache and sadness and anger on this blog that I wanted to finally take some time to share pure joy and optimism.  I am Postive Polly on crack right now.  I could probably shoot rainbows out of my fingers if I tried hard enough.  I think it is important that people hear about that part of infertility too…the “happily ever after” that does exist…and that makes it all worthwhile in the end.
My Happily Ever After