Wednesday, July 11, 2012


I've been away form this blog for a long time.  I've had lots to talk about and even some time to write.  Unfortunately, I had a bad experience after my last blog and I've been sort of fearful to write...second-guessing choices I've made about sharing my son's name, his pictures, his milestones.  I shared him with all of you because my blog has always felt like a safe place to me.  A place to be open and honest, to receive love, support and occasionally some gently-worded tough love.  But after my last post, my feelings changed.

In the course of a few hours, I received multiple abusive comments on various posts.  Some went back to early posts I had written.  Some were on newer posts.  Most of them made very little sense, but they did address issues in my posts and, thus, they felt very personal.  It scared me that someone would spend the time and energy spreading cruelty on an infertility blog.  That made me think...if there's someone out there willing to spread such hatred in my direction, what will happen when my son comes across those people.  I wasn't going to even acknowledge what happened, as I was concerned that it would be encouraging the behavior...but I wonder how other women dealing with infertility (especially those with their own blogs) would deal with this situation.  Should I erase every picture of my son?  Go back through and try to remove every mention of his name?  Erase everything?  Go private?  I want to just continue my blog the way it has been...the way that made me happy.  I want to believe that the barrage of horrid messages was just a stupid prank and was a one time ordeal.  I'm just not sure.

On a lighter note, my son is doing really well.  He is 7 months old, has two teeth, is loving hanging out with the nanny everyday, is laughing at EVERYTHING, and is sleeping 10-12 hours a night.  I seriously could not be any luckier.  I returned to work last week, and even though it wasn't easy, it wasn't nearly as hard as I had anticipated it would be.  Seven months of maternity leave was perfect.  I was ready to go back to work...and my son was ready to be without me during the day.  He has developed a milk-protein and soy-protein allergy, so he is on unbelievably expensive formula.  Still...if it helps him keep his formula down, it is worth it.  He weighs about 21 pounds now...but is still super-short.  He's mostly bald, but the hair is starting to fill in on top.  We still can't tell what color his hair is going to be.  It is red in the sunlight but medium brown in indoor lighting.  I'm still at that stage where everything is exciting to me.  He spills a glass of ice tea off the coffee table for the first time and I'm running to the baby book to record his "first destructive gesture."  I'm ridiculous really...but I'm enjoying myself.

I hope to write soon about the things that I actually want to talk about, but I need to ease back into this.  In the meantime, I am trying to catch-up on everyone else's posts.