The Princess and the Pee Stick: January 2013

Wow a lot has happened since my last post. I feel awful that I’ve been away for so long. I’ve missed my bloggy buddies. But I’m realizing how quickly life moves once there is a little one taking up your time, and I am determined not to miss a single second of my little guy’s childhood…even if it means sacrificing some of my interests for awhile. So I won’t promise that I am going to write more. I will promise that I am going to try to do a little better. I miss this.

I don’t have the slightest idea how to catch everyone up on everything that has happened since I last wrote. So, given that they say a picture is worth a thousand words, I will post a bunch of pictures of Ian and hope that they tell some of the story. I’m still madly in love with Ian. People tell me “wait until [insert next step of development]. It is so much harder.” So far, I’ve found those people to be wrong. I feel like things just keep getting better and better. Ian is taking his first little steps (on his own) now, and he is a little parrot…trying to mimic everything we say (and failing miserably for any word that doesn’t start with a B and D or an M). He plays funny little games and is CONSTANTLY smiling. But I will say, for all the joy and happiness I feel during my waking hours, there are still some nights when infertility haunts me. Sometimes I wake up and “forget” for a second that we have a baby…feeling like we are still back to trying without success to get pregnant. I assume feeling must be from bad dreams just carrying over into my first waking seconds, but I wonder why I am having those dreams in the first place. I wonder if I will have them forever… if they are some kind of a scar left over from years of trials. I feel guilty for having those moments. I feel more guilty that I want to forget about infertility, put it in a box, and store it away forever…never thinking about that pain again.