Monday, January 31, 2011

Behind the Scenes

If you read through a fairy tale, most of what happens goes on behind the scenes.  You don’t hear about the seven dwarves showering or the fittings the princesses must undergo to have their beautiful gowns fit them like a glove, but those things must happen.  And so, too, much of what happens in our fertility fairy tales happens behinds the scenes.

For example, I was recently reading the blog of Christina, at
She has just suffered a miscarriage and I strongly encourage any of you reading this to send her some support.  As I read her heartbreaking post, I thought about her sitting in her microscope room, suffering silently as those around her are likely oblivious to what she is going through.  Her suffering is going on behind the scenes.  Most people will never hear about what she is going through and how powerful it is.  I think it is not so uncommon for many of us to keep our suffering hidden from prying eyes.  And although we know what a huge part of our fairy tale the suffering is, the world will never know...will never see into our hearts.

My husband asked me last night why I am blogging.  I replied that it was nice to not have to keep my feelings hidden.  I like being able to share the thoughts and feelings that I rarely speak aloud and almost never share outside of our home.  He, in typical male fashion, replied “Sounds good!”  He explained that I can complain about him and infertility all I want in my blog, as long as it means he doesn’t have to hear it.  My husband was partially being a smart ass, but even he would prefer that the suffering aspect of infertility be bottled up and kept behind the scenes.

I am so grateful that you all allow me not to do that.  My heart breaks for Christina, but I am glad that she can put her sadness out there and be sent all of the love and support possible by a sea of anonymous women who are feeling pain right along with her.  I’m glad that none of us have to push our feelings and fears behind the scenes no matter how messy and confusing they are.  I think that, frequently, what happens behind the scenes is actually the real story that needs to be told.   


Christina said...

I don't know your real name, but you just melted my heart with this post! Thank you so much! It is so much easier to voice these feelings to those that can at least understand them if not fully sympathize with them. My coworkers and almost all my friends didn't know we were TTC, that we were struggling with IF or even that we conceived. It would just be far too hard to tell them the whole story and have relive the current heartache. I greatly appreciate your thoughts and your post. They mean the world to me right now!

Princess Wahna Bea Mama said...

You are welcome, Christina. And my heart really does go out to you.

julia simpson urrutia said...

Hello--I googled something along the lines of husband grumpiness and aloofness leads to wife's depression simply because that is what happens far too many days in my life and this is my third and last marriage. Finding a woman brave enough to talk about how she feels makes me feel not so alone. I am struggling to be a writer and doll artist--things I have been all my life. But when my husband tries to diminish me with tone of voice or actual words, it hurts so much. IT takes so much of my energy away that it is all I can do not to cry.