Well, I am in labor and delivery now. I won't be leaving until our baby has arrived. I went to the doctor's office and they confirmed I was having regular contractions. They did an ultrasound and found that the baby was in position and my cervix was totally thinned and effaced. A quick internal exam confirmed that I was 4-5 cm dilated, so off to the hospital we went.
I've been given Magnesium and a beta blocker cocktail that is supposed to help slow the contractions, which were 3-5 minutes apart for the first few hours I was here. Those meds seem to have helped, as the contractions aren't as strong or as frequent. I was also given my first shot of betamethasone, a steroid to help the baby's lungs to hurry up and mature. The hope is that I will be able to hold off on delivering for another 48 hours. They like to give a second injection of betamethasone 24 hours after the first, and then wait 24 hours to give that second injection time to work before delivery. I'm at least 5 cm dilated now and the membrane is bulging, the baby's head right at the cervical opening. My water hasn't broken yet, but part of the mucous plug has broken off, so the doctor said it doesn't look promising that we are going to make it another two days. I will likely be having the baby tomorrow. But, every second he stays inside is a little more time his lungs are having to get ready for the outside world. I want to give him as much time as I can. All I can do is breathe, pray and try to relax.
I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything, in case a c-section becomes necessary. It looks like we will be able to deliver vaginally, but you never know. Honestly, the stomach pain from not having any food in my tummy is almost as bad as the contractions right now. They are going to give me an Ambien tonight, so I can get some sleep in case I need to push tomorrow. All of the doctors and nurses keep asking me why I'm not pursuing pain medication but the truth is, I'm not really in pain. I'm REALLY uncomfortable, and there are times that I would like some relief from that discomfort. But the discomfort waxes and wanes and I can't really justify taking pain medicine if I'm not feeling actual pain.
So...how do I feel about the baby coming out so soon (30 weeks today)? Not psyched. I've cried, I've joked, I've gone ballistic about the state of our house, and now I've resigned myself to the fact that I have little control over this so I just need to roll with the punches. My 2-page, 10 font, Birth Plan is out the window. I haven't had my doula come, as things are so up in the air right now. The weird thing is, I really like her, but I'm not even sure if I want her here for the labor. Things are so far astray from what I had planned. There will be no holding the baby and bonding with him after he's born. He will immediately be taken by the NICU team to have his lungs flushed with a liquid that will help him breathe. Then, he'll have to be taken to a sterile incubator, as he will have no means of regulating his own temperature and little means of fighting off infections. He won't be able to suck or swallow, so he will have a tube placed down his nose and into his stomach, for feedings. I will be able to pump breast milk for him, but it is unclear whether he will be able to latch in the next couple of months. He'll likely be hospitalized for around 8 weeks after birth. Again...not our plan. So, facing all of this crisis, there's a part of me that just wants my husband's support (which he is really being great about giving) and no interruptions from anyone else. We need to get through this as a family. Maybe I'll change my minds when the labor gets painful and I'll want the doula's support, but for now, I'm just going to go with what my gut is telling me.
Anyways, thanks for all of the prayers and well wishes. It means the world to me. I'm not sure how things are going to go over the next couple of days, so I'm not sure how many updates I will be able to give. I have my laptop with me, so if I'm able to, I'll write updates. I really appreciate having so many supporters out there. This would be really scar if I was alone. But I'm not. So thank you. Okay. Ambien time.
Showing posts with label 30 weeks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 30 weeks. Show all posts
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Stupid Stress Strikes Again
Today I had my 30 week check-up. It didn't go as planned. I thought I would listen to the heartbeat, get my belly measured, and be off to do some grocery shopping. Instead, three hours after my appointment started, I was talking with my OB about how the non-stress test indicated some cause for concern.
As an initial matter, I should note that a couple of things came up in the last couple of days which were really stressful for me. I don't want to get into what those things were, but they probably weren't as significant as my pregnancy hormones made them. I didn't sleep at all on Monday night/Tuesday morning and neither did the baby. My stress seems to make him spazzy. On Tuesday, the initial stressor had resolved for the most part, but there was a new one that took its place. I was too exhausted to be as upset on Tuesday as I had been on Monday, but still, it was a long two days.
So, when the baby wasn't moving much Tuesday night or today, I wasn't horribly concerned. I thought he was probably just tired out from all of the "excitement." But, when the nurse listened to the heartbeat at my appointment today, she said "Is it always this fast?" I asked how fast the heartbeat was and she told me the baby's heartrate was 174. He hasn't been that high since he was a tiny bean. He usually runs around 135 now. The nurse asked if I had noticed any changes in his movements, and I told her about the stress and subsequent lull in his kicks. The nurse went and got the doctor (one of Dr. C's colleagues), who felt around my belly for awhile and listened to the heartbeat herself. She said "we need to put you on the monitor." My heart sank a little, but I had felt the baby move in the waiting room before my appointment, and we had just heard the heartbeat, so I wasn't too frantic.
After 20 minutes on "the monitor," which is a machine that reminds me of a giant EKG...with the electrodes on the belly instead of the chest (actually...that's basically what it is), the doctor came in and said she wanted Dr. C to take a look at the "strips" (the printouts of the baby's heartbeat, measurements of movements, and measurements of my contractions). Apparently, the strips showed that I was having contractions and the baby's heartrate was being affected by them. I stayed strapped into the monitor for another 20 minutes (after a quick potty break) and then the machine started beeping...indicating no fetal heartbeat. When no nurse immediately came into the room, I started yelling...without shame. The nurse practitioner came in and explained that the baby is still small enough that he can move and that is all that happened...he moved so far away from the monitor that they couldn't hear his heartbeat. The nurse practitioner found the heartbeat again and, upon confirming that it was steady, said there was no point in monitoring further because they knew what was going on. I had to wait for Dr. C.
After what seemed like an eternity, Dr. C came into the room and looked at the strips. He said that I was having contractions, but they weren't as strong or regular as what one would expect with active labor. The baby's heartrate was showing inconsistencies, especially around the time of the contractions, but the baby did not appear to be in distress. Dr. C said that I need not worry, as that was his job. He wasn't "worried, per se," but he felt an abudance of caution would be prudent because women with insulin dependent gestational diabetes have a higher rate of stillbirth (no matter what the context, the phrase "stillbirth" feels like a knife through my heart). He told me he wants to see me again on Friday evening for another session of monitoring, just to be sure that this is a matter of the baby and I having "an off day," which he assured me happens all the time. I'm glad that he is being cautious and I believe him when he says he isn't worried. I think if he was worried, I would be in the hospital tonight.
While I wait for Friday to arrive, I am supposed to take it "very easy." I am supposed to avoid anything stressful or upsetting, even if it is just something on the news that bothers me. I am supposed to lay on my left side as much as is comfortable and do kick counts for twenty minutes at a time, three times a day. If the baby doesn't move in the first twenty minutes, I am supposed to get up and drink a cold sugary beverage, and lay back on my side for another twenty minutes. If there is still no movement, I need to call Dr. C and go to the office immediately. The baby should move three or four times in the twenty minutes following the sugary drink and change of position. I'm really going to try to relax. It is hard when there is so much to do. Sometimes I will do something that I think is going to be relaxing, like starting to plan the furniture arrangement of the nursery, only to find myself panicking 30 minutes into it about something stupid (like how the furniture won't fit in the tiny room). It is tough to avoid stress right now, but for the sake of having a great appointment on Friday, I'm going to try my hardest. Maybe the baby just needs a spa day...via mommy having a spa day of course.
As an initial matter, I should note that a couple of things came up in the last couple of days which were really stressful for me. I don't want to get into what those things were, but they probably weren't as significant as my pregnancy hormones made them. I didn't sleep at all on Monday night/Tuesday morning and neither did the baby. My stress seems to make him spazzy. On Tuesday, the initial stressor had resolved for the most part, but there was a new one that took its place. I was too exhausted to be as upset on Tuesday as I had been on Monday, but still, it was a long two days.
So, when the baby wasn't moving much Tuesday night or today, I wasn't horribly concerned. I thought he was probably just tired out from all of the "excitement." But, when the nurse listened to the heartbeat at my appointment today, she said "Is it always this fast?" I asked how fast the heartbeat was and she told me the baby's heartrate was 174. He hasn't been that high since he was a tiny bean. He usually runs around 135 now. The nurse asked if I had noticed any changes in his movements, and I told her about the stress and subsequent lull in his kicks. The nurse went and got the doctor (one of Dr. C's colleagues), who felt around my belly for awhile and listened to the heartbeat herself. She said "we need to put you on the monitor." My heart sank a little, but I had felt the baby move in the waiting room before my appointment, and we had just heard the heartbeat, so I wasn't too frantic.
After 20 minutes on "the monitor," which is a machine that reminds me of a giant EKG...with the electrodes on the belly instead of the chest (actually...that's basically what it is), the doctor came in and said she wanted Dr. C to take a look at the "strips" (the printouts of the baby's heartbeat, measurements of movements, and measurements of my contractions). Apparently, the strips showed that I was having contractions and the baby's heartrate was being affected by them. I stayed strapped into the monitor for another 20 minutes (after a quick potty break) and then the machine started beeping...indicating no fetal heartbeat. When no nurse immediately came into the room, I started yelling...without shame. The nurse practitioner came in and explained that the baby is still small enough that he can move and that is all that happened...he moved so far away from the monitor that they couldn't hear his heartbeat. The nurse practitioner found the heartbeat again and, upon confirming that it was steady, said there was no point in monitoring further because they knew what was going on. I had to wait for Dr. C.
After what seemed like an eternity, Dr. C came into the room and looked at the strips. He said that I was having contractions, but they weren't as strong or regular as what one would expect with active labor. The baby's heartrate was showing inconsistencies, especially around the time of the contractions, but the baby did not appear to be in distress. Dr. C said that I need not worry, as that was his job. He wasn't "worried, per se," but he felt an abudance of caution would be prudent because women with insulin dependent gestational diabetes have a higher rate of stillbirth (no matter what the context, the phrase "stillbirth" feels like a knife through my heart). He told me he wants to see me again on Friday evening for another session of monitoring, just to be sure that this is a matter of the baby and I having "an off day," which he assured me happens all the time. I'm glad that he is being cautious and I believe him when he says he isn't worried. I think if he was worried, I would be in the hospital tonight.
While I wait for Friday to arrive, I am supposed to take it "very easy." I am supposed to avoid anything stressful or upsetting, even if it is just something on the news that bothers me. I am supposed to lay on my left side as much as is comfortable and do kick counts for twenty minutes at a time, three times a day. If the baby doesn't move in the first twenty minutes, I am supposed to get up and drink a cold sugary beverage, and lay back on my side for another twenty minutes. If there is still no movement, I need to call Dr. C and go to the office immediately. The baby should move three or four times in the twenty minutes following the sugary drink and change of position. I'm really going to try to relax. It is hard when there is so much to do. Sometimes I will do something that I think is going to be relaxing, like starting to plan the furniture arrangement of the nursery, only to find myself panicking 30 minutes into it about something stupid (like how the furniture won't fit in the tiny room). It is tough to avoid stress right now, but for the sake of having a great appointment on Friday, I'm going to try my hardest. Maybe the baby just needs a spa day...via mommy having a spa day of course.
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