Bad News

Well, I am in labor and delivery now.  I won't be leaving until our baby has arrived.  I went to the doctor's office and they confirmed I was having regular contractions.  They did an ultrasound and found that the baby was in position and my cervix was totally thinned and effaced.  A quick internal exam confirmed that I was 4-5 cm dilated, so off to the hospital we went.

I've been given Magnesium and a beta blocker cocktail that is supposed to help slow the contractions, which were 3-5 minutes apart for the first few hours I was here.  Those meds seem to have helped, as the contractions aren't as strong or as frequent.  I was also given my first shot of betamethasone, a steroid to help the baby's lungs to hurry up and mature.  The hope is that I will be able to hold off on delivering for another 48 hours.  They like to give a second injection of betamethasone 24 hours after the first, and then wait 24 hours to give that second injection time to work before delivery.  I'm at least 5 cm dilated now and the membrane is bulging, the baby's head right at  the cervical opening.  My water hasn't broken yet, but part of the mucous plug has broken off, so the doctor said it doesn't look promising that we are going to make it another two days.  I will likely be having the baby tomorrow.  But, every second he stays inside is a little more time his lungs are having to get ready for the outside world.  I want to give him as much time as I can.  All I can do is breathe, pray and try to relax.

I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything, in case a c-section becomes necessary.  It looks like we will be able to deliver vaginally, but you never know.  Honestly, the stomach pain from not having any food in my tummy is almost as bad as the contractions right now.  They are going to give me an Ambien tonight, so I can get some sleep in case I need to push tomorrow.  All of the doctors and nurses keep asking me why I'm not pursuing pain medication but the truth is, I'm not really in pain.  I'm REALLY uncomfortable, and there are times that I would like some relief from that discomfort.  But the discomfort waxes and wanes and I can't really justify taking pain medicine if I'm not feeling actual pain.

So...how do I feel about the baby coming out so soon (30 weeks today)?  Not psyched.  I've cried, I've joked, I've gone ballistic about the state of our house, and now I've resigned myself to the fact that I have little control over this so I just need to roll with the punches.  My 2-page, 10 font, Birth Plan is out the window.  I haven't had my doula come, as things are so up in the air right now.  The weird thing is, I really like her, but I'm not even sure if I want her here for the labor.  Things are so far astray from what I had planned.  There will be no holding the baby and bonding with him after he's born.  He will immediately be taken by the NICU team to have his lungs flushed with a liquid that will help him breathe.  Then, he'll have to be taken to a sterile incubator, as he will have no means of regulating his own temperature and little means of fighting off infections.  He won't be able to suck or swallow, so he will have a tube placed down his nose and into his stomach, for feedings.  I will be able to pump breast milk for him, but it is unclear whether he will be able to latch in the next couple of months.  He'll likely be hospitalized for around 8 weeks after birth.  Again...not our plan.  So, facing all of this crisis, there's a part of me that just wants my husband's support (which he is really being great about giving) and no interruptions from anyone else.  We need to get through this as a family.  Maybe I'll change my minds when the labor gets painful and I'll want the doula's support, but for now, I'm just going to go with what my gut is telling me.

Anyways, thanks for all of the prayers and well wishes.  It means the world to me.  I'm not sure how things are going to go over the next couple of days, so I'm not sure how many updates I will be able to give.  I have my laptop with me, so if I'm able to, I'll write updates.  I really appreciate having so many supporters out there.  This would be really scar if I was alone.  But I'm not.  So thank you.  Okay.  Ambien time.