Wednesday, February 23, 2011

And then the Princess had a colonic...

I bet you don't hear that in many fairy tales... "The princess didn't know what to do so she paid someone to put a hose...."  For the record, I am not getting a colonic.  But, I am thinking about starving myself for the weekend.  Actually, to be more specific, I am thinking about paying someone else to starve me for the weekend.  The spa calls it “Spiritual Cleansing through Fasting,” but let’s be honest…it’s starving yourself and meditating a lot.

I’ve been researching various retreats for weeks now, knowing that I need to get away from my life for a couple of days to get back in touch with “me.”  It’s sad that I have to leave my life to feel connected, but that is the current state of matters and there is no sense in fighting it.  I’m terrified of starting this upcoming, and most important, IVF cycle in the state of mind I’m currently in.  Something has to change and it just isn’t happening while I’m caught up in my day-to-day life. 

In my search for the perfect retreat, I found a place that really appealed to me.  It is only a couple of hours from where I live, it has beautiful scenery and lots of land to roam around on, and it’s cheaper than a lot of the retreats I’ve compared it to.  The only problem is…this weekend…the weekend that I have available to go on a retreat….is “CLEANSE” weekend. 

For those of you who don’t know what a “cleanse” is, let me quote a few lines from the online description of the retreat:  “We'll begin with a dinner of fresh juice on Friday evening.  After dinner we’ll have a Circle to get more connected.  Saturday morning we'll do yoga, skin brushing, and meditation.  Then we'll do a walkabout (on our beautiful 250 acres), relax, juice and have a class/discussion on nutrition, food preparation and wellness.  In the afternoon we'll do a sweat lodge together.  Lodge is a great way to detoxify and strengthen your mind/body/spirit.  We'll do a healing meditation before retiring to bed.  We'll have three "meals" of fresh juice plus other juices, tea and broth as well.  We'll complete the retreat on Sunday morning with some morning practice (similar to Saturday morning) and a breakfast meal in silence to maximize our re-entry to food.  We'll finish with a Walk in Beauty Circle, and people will leave for home by noon.  In addition, you can choose to receive a complimentary colonic on Saturday, if you so choose.  The atmosphere is relaxed and supportive.  It's very restful and rejuvenating.”
FYI- I reitterate here...I do NOT “so choose” to partake in the "complinetary" colonic.  Even my open mind has some limits.

So, when I first read that description, I thought “No way.  I’ve been fighting with that cold and the dehydration that came along with it.  I am a hundred pounds over my normal weight (according to the doctor’s charts) and am afraid I might pass out if I don’t eat often enough.”  But then, today, as I was telling a friend about how I had laughed off this retreat, I had two “ah ha moments.” First, as I heard myself talking about why I shouldn’t go, I realized that I am making excuses for why I “can’t” do something.  And I am starting to realize that those excuses are why I don’t get anything done.  Whenever I try to make a change in myself, there is always something holding me back - It doesn't work with the timing with my cycle, I'm too fat to do that without hurting myself, I'm too tired with everything I have going on.  Well, I call "Bullshit!" on myself.  Maybe I can do this.  Maybe it would feel good to do this, if for no other reason than to say that I accomplished something I didn’t think I could do going into it.  Maybe that's reason enough to do it. 

The second realization came when my friend was saying that she doesn’t think that she could psychologically handle not eating food for two days.  She said that she would be obsessed with the fact that she was not eating and wouldn’t be able to think about anything else.  As she said that, I realized that working through the obsession might just be the point.  I am obsessed with everything in my life right now.  I control, control, control…and freak out when things don’t go as planned.  So, if I was forced to face an obsession (say…a psychological obsession with food and hunger), and could see that I can not only get past that obsession, but I can replace it with healthy, meditative and nurturing thoughts, wouldn’t that be an amazing feat?  Isn't it possible that this retreat could be the catalyst I need to turn my frown upside down (ugh...I cringe even typing that).

I’ll let you know what I decide in tomorrow’s post but I am giving you fair warning that this fairy tale might have a wacky chapter coming up soon.

5 comments:

New Year Mum said...

Wonderful idea... I did a 3-day retreat last November that helped me tremendously :)) It involved a lot of healthy food, meditation, yoga, grief counselling and a special mud wrap/massage/beauty afternoon... it was amazing and helped get me out of the very dark place that I was in at the time and gave me the strength to think about IVF. I'm with you on not being sure about the colonic thing though ? :)) xoxo

Lu said...

Sounds pretty intriguing. And I think that the fact that the colonic is complimentary is the icing on the cake. Can't wait to hear all about it. You should totally go!

China Doll said...

My question would be.. do you brush your own skin or other people's? Think it's important to know this before you commit ;)

Princess Wahna Bea Mama said...

Lol. Thanks for the responses ladies. I am actually awaiting for "approval" by the people who run the retreat. Since I have been sick a lot there is a concern about whether I can "handle" the retreat, which they have to check on. Really...a relaxation retreat may be to much for me to handle?!? Maybe I shouldn't be going. And...if I get rejected, I'm going to be so insulted. I know that is silly, but I can't help it. I'm one of those people whose feelings are hurt if someone doesn't like me, even if I don't like them either.

China Doll- I actually asked about that...didn't get a straight answer. Hmmmmmm. I figure that even if other people are "brushing my skin," it can't be too much more intrusive than body scrubs I've had at other spas.

~ Alli said...

I think it's very brave of you to consider this! I can't imagine not eating for 2 days, though I think my body might thank me for it afterwards...or at least my bathroom scale! I think it's good to surprise ourselves sometimes by doing things we wouldn't normally think we could do. I'm very interested to hear how this goes!
~ A