This Is A Test...It Is Only A Test...

(FAIR WARNING:  Your Input Will Be Requested At The End Of This Post)

To test or not to test, that is the question.  That is always the question during the two week wait.

Today is 8 dpo (8 days post-ovulation).  As I’m sure we all know, days 6-10 after ovulation are the implantation days.  Then, Hcg gets released and, at a certain level, the HPT (home pregnancy test), a.k.a. POAS (pee on a stick), can pick-up the pregnancy. 

Mother’s Day is falling on my 10 dpo or, in HPT language, four days before the expected start date of my next period.  If your ears perk up like mine do whenever a pregnancy test commercial comes on TV, you know that most tests "can detect pregnancy up to 4 days before the first day of your missed period."  Specifically, according to the charts made by the HPT manufacturers, if I test on Mother’s Day and I AM pregnant, I have a 57% chance of the test showing a positive.

Of course, I have exhaustively searched online and found many stories of women who got their BFP’s (big fat positives) 5 days after a day 5 transfer (10 dpo).  I have also read a lot of stories of women who got negatives at 10 dpo and then BFP’s at 12 dpo.  And, of course, there are many women in the “wait until the beta test” camp.  Those women listen to their doctors and spare themselves the agony of deciding when to POAS, by choosing not to POAS at all.  I envy you women…but I will never be one of you.  Even if I were to wait for the beta test, I would agonize…oh how I would agonize!

So, the question for me, I guess, is not even really “to test or not to test.”  Rather, the question is- “to test on Mother’s Day or to wait until later.”  But the latter doesn’t really have the same ring to it.

Quick update for those of you who are new to this blog, my announcement to The Prince has been in the works for some time.  He is a Jersey Shore fan (I don’t know how that happened to a chemistry professor), and is particularly fond of walking around and saying “We have a Situation,” while pointing at his non-existent six pack.  So…I have a maternity shirt that says “The Situation” on the belly.  The plan is to yell out from the bathroom “Uh oh, Honey!  We’ve got a situation!”  He will come to the door, likely thinking that the shower broke, light fell out of the ceiling, etc.  I will then walk out in my “Situation” t-shirt, holding the positive pregnancy test and announce "the situation."  TA DA!!!!  This announcement scenario is admittedly corny, but non-negotiable.  I’ve waited three years for this moment, and like any good director, I feel I've perfected the announcement to match our quirky senses of humor.  So, although I adore you all, please don't trash my announcement plan because it isn't changing. 

Now that everyone is up to speed, you should know that The Prince and I have EXTREMELY tight schedules, and that is complicating my testing scenarios.  The Prince is working at his parent’s restaurant on Saturday and on Sunday, during the day.  We both will work during the day Monday through Friday, at our regular jobs.  On Monday, that's it...when we get home, we're home.  But on Tuesday through Thursday, The Prince works a second job, so on those days we will be home together from 4:30 - 5:00, and then The Prince won't be home again until 8:00 p.m.  Also, I am having dinner ou with friends on Tuesday night and won't be back until very late. 

So, based on the schedules, I believe I have worked out all of the possible testing scenarios, and they are as follows:

1)      Test on Sunday morning, find out I’m pregnant, make the announcement to the Prince on Sunday evening, when he gets home, for the best Mother’s Day ever!

2)      Test on Sunday morning, get a negative, work at convincing myself that I am in the 43% of pregnant women who wouldn’t test positive that early, and don’t mention any of it to The Prince who, at least, won’t be home most of the day.

3)      Test on Monday morning, find out I’m pregnant, sit with that knowledge the whole damn day at work…and announce the news to The Prince when I get home.

4)      Test on Monday morning, get a negative, and try not to fall apart at work that day.

5)      Test on Wednesday and…(see #’s 3 and 4 above)

6)      Wait until Thursday morning’s beta test, get the results at work, then don’t answer the phone when The Prince calls for the results, so I can rush home and make my announcement in between his two jobs.  (Unfortunately, The Prince has gone through IVF cycles with me enough times to know when my beta’s get scheduled and I’ve lied to him about when the blood test was in the past, to give myself time to process the news before facing him, so I can’t just lie and say it is on Friday in order to surprise him on Thursday.  He’s too crafty for that.).

I think it is likely clear which choice I like the best, but I am putting it out there for “my people” to weigh-in on.  I’m not promising anything (and if I don't follow advice I'm totally blaming it on the hormones), but bring on the comments and advice, being kind to my fragile ego and cognizant of my need for this to be a big deal.  I’m dying to know what other people have to say about all of this…and I know there are lots of other Type A’s out there reading this.  So please don’t be shy about letting me know if I missed a fabulous timing/testing/announcing scenario.  Can't wait to hear your opinions!    

Charging Into Battle

I am trying to put the family drama behind me to look forward to this cycle.  As many of you pointed out, I can do nothing to change the sister-situation, so it is a fruitless endeavor to worry and “what if” the situation to death.  Fretting about the fate of my niece and nephew has left me exhausted, sore (my mind-body connection is a little too strong) and frustrated.  I need to look forward to this donor egg cycle with positivity and hope…because it is coming with challenges all its own.  So with a heavy heart, I am determined to lay down that burden and accept that some force greater than me will need to protect and watch over those children.  I cannot be their savior, but I could potentially become a Mommy of my own child very soon…and that child-to-be deserves my full attention right now.

Yesterday morning, I had my baseline ultrasound and blood work.  The nurse said things looked great on the ultrasound (and later I found out my blood level were perfect for baseline – Yeah!!!).  However, the nurse did not give me a tentative schedule, like they normally do at baseline appointments, because the donor coordinator needed to make sure neither my donor, nor the other recipient, had functional cysts.  The nurse told me that the other recipient “may” have had a problem with functional cysts in the past.  The donor has never had to stop a cycle because of a cyst but if she had one that was big enough, they would keep us all suppressed and try to shrink hers to make more room on her ovaries.  It had never occurred to me that things might not get started yesterday.  At first I was irritated, and then worried.  In fact, I got no work done, spending most of the day worrying obsessively and making a chart of all of the possible retrieval, transfer and beta dates.  I also threw in “first heartbeat,” “end of first trimester,” and singleton and twin due dates, for good measure.  That kept me busy and sane (or at least relatively sane) most of the day.  As the day went on, my irritation turned to sympathy for the other recipient and donor.  I thought, if I was the other recipient, I would be really sad to have spent all that money only to watch the cycle go on without me…making me wait for frozen eggs later on.  And, if the donor had a cyst, I’m sure she would be frustrated because she has been waiting a long time to get going on this cycle, too.  Plus, I would want to wait to give us the best chance at the most eggs.  It would be stupid to give up a higher egg count just because of my impatience.  So, by the afternoon, I had convinced myself that I would not totally freak out if the cycle was delayed.  I just needed to know.

Finally, at 3:00 p.m., I couldn’t take the suspense any longer and I called and left a message for the donor coordinator.  She called me back and was very pleasant…which gives me hope that maybe she becomes “warm and fuzzy” once you are in your donor cycle.  She said that the donor is baseline, has no cysts and is ready to go.  I asked about the other recipient and she said that I don’t need to worry about the other recipient and that will not be affecting my cycle.  I don’t know what that means, but whatever it means, the coordinator is probably right.  I should focus on my own cycle and the donor’s cycle.  That combo is stressful enough.

What I didn’t count on is how long the cycle is going to take.  I thought the donor would start her stims yesterday, making late next week the most likely time of egg retrieval.  I was wrong.  My lining takes a long time to build, so the donor will start her stims Thursday and the tentative egg retrieval date is Monday, the 25^th.  The 25^th is better, because of The Prince’s selfishly scheduled cosmetic surgery appointment, but I’m not great with change so I had to deep breathe my way through that part.  It’s so strange to have a “probably” date after all of this waiting. 

My medication protocol started in earnest yesterday.  I take estrogen pills three times a day, dexamethasone one time a day, an antibiotic every three days for twelve days (4 doses total…and The Prince takes those, too), and I continue the Lupron injections, baby aspirin, and prenatal vitamins.  I’ll get checked next Monday to see how my lining is doing and will likely have my intralipid IV next Friday.  Things are cruising right along now, but I will definitely be in my two week wait on Mother’s Day.  I am oddly relieved that I won’t know for sure if I am pregnant until after Mother’s Day is over (I might be rethinking that position when Mother’s Day actually comes along).  It would just be too hard to go through that day if I knew that our last chance failed.

So, it’s onward and upward.  Feel free to call me out if I seem to be getting sucked into serious negative thinking over the next couple of weeks.  I love the support and sympathy that you – my friends – are so graciously willing to give to me, but I am aware that feeling positive this cycle is more important than any temporary hurt feelings over any reality checks that get doled out…or at least that’s how I feel pre-estrogen taking over my body.  The Prince would definitely warn you not to say anything less than supportive, but he is not all of you…he can’t feel what I am feeling…and I know that all of you can, so it is different.  I know I say it a lot, but I really can’t tell you all how much it means to me to have you going through this journey with me.  I feel like I have my own little army of supporters, and it is such a relief not to be alone in this battle.