Worry Wart

I don't know where the term "worry wart" came from, but people have used it to describe me at various times throughout my life.  I never took it as a particularly insulting label, but now that I think of it, "wart" isn't exactly a term of endearment. 

Today, I am full of worry.  When my family came this weekend, they brought colds with them.  The Prince got sick on Sunday and I followed suit on Monday.  We both have been getting progressively worse, but have been telling ourselves that it is just a cold and it will pass.  But the last two days I have been struggling to keep my fever under 101 F, and having a high fever in early pregnancy is not a good thing.

Yesterday my mother informed me that they all ended up going to the doctor on Tuesday, and they all have strep throat and sinus infections.  The doctor put all four people who were in my house this weekend on antibiotics.  UGH!  So now, even though it doesn't feel like I have strep throat, I am terrified that I should be going and getting antibiotics.  I'm nervous about what effect, if any, my difficulty breathing is having on the baby.  And there is worse...

I haven't felt any pregnancy symptoms in two days.  Last week at this time I was throwing up so much I had to be put on medications.  I was exhausted all of the time and had serious smell aversions.  Perhaps most telling, my lady lumps were incredibly hard and painful all of the time.  (These are not complaints, just observations).  In the last two days, I haven't needed to take the nausea medicine.  My breasts are not tender and, even though I am sick, I haven't taken any naps.  We are officially at 7 weeks today...I don't think the symptoms should just disappear this early on.

I'm trying to not worry.  I'm trying to tell myself that the cold (or whatever this is) is probably just throwing things out of whack (it's not like you can have smell aversions when you can't breath through your nose).  I'm trying to tell myself that this is probably normal and that I just don't know what "normal" is because I haven't ever been pregnant before.  I'm also trying to tell myself that this could just be a downshift in my hormones because we officially lost the twin.  Horrible that the thought of these symptoms (or actually, lack of symptoms) being caused by losing the twin is now my "comforting thought."  But the other thought is unspeakable.

We have our next ultrasound tomorrow.  So I just have to hold out until then.  I will keep putting my hand on my belly and telling my little one to hang in there.  I will keep praying that there is a solid little heartbeat on the screen tomorrow, and I will be thankful for that heartbeat, even if there is "official" bad news coming along with it.