Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Just Sad

First, I want to thank everyone for your kind words regarding our situation with Josephine’s cancer.  I felt so guilty on Saturday, but after reading everyone’s comments, I am starting to feel more at ease with our decision to give Josephine the best quality of life we can while she is with us, as opposed to putting her through surgery.  With that said, I am still so sad.  I imagine I will be for some time.

The Prince has been trying so hard to cheer me up.  He asks me what is wrong and I don’t have a good answer for him.  Obviously, the situation with Josephine is very upsetting, but I feel like this sadness runs deeper than that.  I am going through the motions, and doing what I need to do during the day.  But there is no joy right now.  I end up telling The Prince, “I’m just sad.  That’s all.”  It is the truth.  I’m not analyzing why I feel this way or trying to figure out what is wrong…I’m just feeling…feeling sad.

The Prince dances around (my court jester) and sings silly songs all the time, trying to make me laugh.  He even put a cape on Josephine and “flew” her around the living room, announcing that Cancer Dog was coming to my rescue…on a mission of bringing joy to sour-puss mommies everywhere.  I felt a little bad making light of Josephine’s situation, but Josephine was delighted by the game (she loves ANY attention) and she now barks at the shelf where he put the cape, trying to get him to fly Cancer Dog around some more. 

Frequently The Prince does manage to elicit a smile from me, at least for a few seconds.  I appreciate his effort so much, and I have told him so repeatedly.  He explained to me that one of the parenting books he has been reading explained that one of the best things he can do for the baby is to keep me happy during the pregnancy and after the baby is born (I could kiss that author).  The author (who, surprisingly, is a man) explains that the most important thing for a child’s development is creating a feeling of safety and security and, because of the bond between the mother and baby, it is imperative to keep the mommy from feeling stressed and releasing stress hormones that the baby will pick up on.  Accordingly, the Prince is now determined to keep my stress level as low as possible.  The book also “teaches” men how to fake empathy, which doesn’t come naturally to many men.  The Prince explained that he is now noticing when my mood changes, trying to figure out what caused the change in emotion, and verbally acknowledging his observations.  The author explained that “faking” empathy can sometimes lead to actually feeling empathy and that, either way, being attentive makes a man a better father and partner (did I mention how happy I am that The Prince chose that particular parenting book to read?).

I wish I could do a better job rewarding The Prince’s efforts, but I’m not sure I can do much more right now than wait for the sadness to lift.  I’ve been here before, during our infertility treatments, and no matter how all-encompassing the sadness would seem, it was always temporary.  I guess I will just have to have faith that “this too shall pass” and be grateful that I have a husband who lets me know that I am loved.


Michelle D said...

Good job on your husbands part. It will pass. In the meantime just enjoy giving attention to your attention loving dog and try not to think about the long-term for her. I hope you are able to think happier thoughts and feel more relaxed soon.

Jo...x said...

umm think you need to name this fab book??? well done prince..
and take your time to be sad.. emotions cant be rushed.

Krystyn said...

I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and that you and Josephine are in my prayers.

China Doll said...

Your prince is being amazing! Wish he could teach my Bloke to fake empathy and stop 'problem-solving' whenever I say something is bothering/worrying me xx

Anonymous said...

Dear Princess and the Pee Stick. I'm terribly sorry for your news on your dog. I know how hard it is. I received similar news in April about my dog a month before my cycle began. I've had her for 13.5 years and she was my everything. I lost her 3 weeks later. My point I am trying to make to you is to be sure to spend happy times with her now. When I lost her I had a very hard time dealing with it. I had to think back to the extra time I spent with her once I found out my news. It helped me. After the vets that day I found out she had a tumor on her spine, My husband told me to enjoy while she is here. I hated when he said that to me but in hind site I'm thankful he did. Those last 3 weeks I had with her, I will always cherish. I spoiled her with treats, smoothered her with love and gave her all the milk she wanted and I'm glad I did because I gave her every treat she ever loved. I know you'll do the same. I can tell you love your girl just as much! Enjoy her as I know you will. I'll keep her in my prayers!

Joys Truly said...

So sweet of your husband looking out for your well being and reading that book. I am sorry to hear about your dog, I think what will make you most happy right now is just loving her up. and I hope your mood lifts soon!