Sunday, April 3, 2011

Positive Polly's Cousin - Grateful Greta - Saves The Prince's Royal Rump

I keep trying to be positive.  I know I need to be positive this cycle.  But I’m struggling.  There is so much I don’t have done.  There are so many frustrating things going on in my life that are completely out of my control.  There are so many fun activities that I have had to bail on…again.  There is so much to be grumpy about, and boy am I letting myself be grumpy about those things.  I may even be looking for things to be grumpy about at this point.

For example, the last few days I have wanted to kick The Prince right in his buttocks.  He is being his usual distant self now that injections of Lupron have started and the cycle has become “real.”  He spends more time looking at himself in the mirror and talking about his muscles and how his clothing doesn’t fit right because of his giant muscles than he spends doing anything else…including paying attention to me (what happened to the sweet little science geek I married?).  He refuses to help with spring cleaning.  He is moody and sensitive (I know…Pot meet Kettle).  This morning, he decided to watch a movie with horses in it (our girl dog is obsessed with horses on the TV).  Josephine barked and barked all morning until finally, at 6:30, I got up and asked him why he was just letting her bark…and why he was watching a horse movie knowing she would bark while I was sleeping.  His response “it’s not all about you.”  Really?!?  Is it all about you, two year old in a grown man’s body?  If I hear the phrase “But I don’t want to” come out of his mouth one more time…I swear I’m going to punch him in the nose (not really…but a girl can dream).

I am well aware that the Lupron is probably partially to blame for my irritation with The Prince.  It’s not like this stuff is particularly out of the ordinary for him, but it has only recently bothered me to the point of actual anger…so hormones must be at least a little bit of a factor.  But I can remember a cycle, not so long ago, when he was doing the same exact things…except I was in this “zen” place emotionally, and just let it all roll off of me, like water off a duck’s back.  I had been meditating and I think I had just finished reading Eat, Pray, Love.  I realized that being upset about his behavior would not change his behavior and that if I was getting upset with him, it was because I was choosing to allow myself to be upset…not because he was “making” me upset.  No one has that power unless you give it to them. 

In an effort to jump-start a more positive frame of mind, I am going to follow the lead of New Year Mum, in her Happy List Saturdays.  It’s not Saturday…but I am going to take a baby step towards more positive thinking by listing a few things I am grateful for. 

  1. I am grateful that The Prince got me roses last weekend, and that they are still looking and smelling beautiful.  They make me smile every time I look at them.
  2. I am grateful that The Prince is funny and that he sprinkles little bits of humor into our household, even during the grumpy times.
  3. I am grateful that I got the dining room clean.
  4. I am grateful that the donor egg cycle has started and I am not waiting any more.
  5. I am grateful that my infertility veteran friend had a healthy baby boy yesterday.  She deserves to be a mother and I know she will be a great one.
  6. I am grateful that my two furry babies are happy and healthy.
  7. I am grateful that I have lost a couple of pounds this week without feeling deprived or starved.
  8. I am grateful that my belly pain, even after house cleaning, is so much better than it was just one week ago.
  9. I am grateful that The Prince has to do campus tours this weekend, which gets him out of the house for a couple of hours, so that I can get some housework done.
  10. I am grateful for the sunshine and warm breeze (well…relatively warm breeze).
  11. I am grateful for the possibility that I may be pregnant at this time next month.
  12. I am grateful for this blog, which allows me to get out all of my thoughts and feelings, and I am thankful for all of the readers of this blog, who are so kind and so supportive every single day.

Ahhh.  I do feel a little better.  Perhaps The Prince will not get a kick in the rump after all. 


My New Normal said...

I'm glad you can see some happy things even when you're totally stressed out.

New Year Mum said...

Love your list.... sometimes it takes me ages to write my list but just doing the list has helped me a little - thank you Natasha for starting the Happy List Saturday Blog Hop :)) Hope the positivity grows for this cycle and leads you to your dream.... all my thoughts and wishes are with you at the moment and glad to be sharing this cycle with such a special blog friend xoxo