Friday, April 1, 2011

Learning to Say "No" When I Want To Say "Yes"

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Fairy tales have a plot line.  No superfluous sub-plots or stories.  Everything is about the hero/heroine getting to the end of their journey quickly and linearly.  I’m trying to take a lesson from the fairy tales and streamline my life right now because I feel like my story is currently nothing but sub-plots.  I have friends having baby showers and babies and, while I am so happy that I have made it to a place where I’m not panicking about these things anymore and can look forward to the happy events, those events are still stressful, if only in a good but “busy” sort of way.  I have new infertility friends and old infertility friends that I am constantly writing to and saying, let’s make plans…but then I start to panic because I realize I am running out of time between doctor’s appointments, work, injections, acupuncture, etc.  I truly want to get together with everyone, but I keep making plans and sometimes I have to break those plans because I’ve made too many for my psyche to handle.  And the recent issues I was having with the pill (the health problems are improving, by the way) really cut into my schedule because for a couple of weeks it has been hard for me to do anything after work.

On top of all of this, I have the sub-plot of my sister-issues.  Thank you for all of the support on that front, by the way.  To update you on that, her husband got his notice that he is being deported in May because he did not finish one form that he needed to fill out.  Never mind that he has been given over a year by the immigration judge to get that form filled out.  Never mind that churches and family and friends have spent thousands of dollars trying to get him his green card.  He’s decided to walk away, knowing that he won’t be able to attempt to re-enter the country for 10 years (not that I’m exactly crying over that aspect of this situation).  To avoid being detained while he awaits deportation, he has opted to leave voluntarily before the deportation date.  He has bought a plane ticket for himself (and my nephew will fly for free) for April 15th.  I spoke with my sister yesterday and she started to explain her reasons for sending my nephew away, insisting it is temporary and he will come back.  I told her that she has no custody order in a U.S. court so, even if the government of Belize would be inclined to honor a custody agreement, she will have no grounds at all for fighting to get my nephew back once he is gone.  Having fallen in love with my nephew on sight, I doubt that my sister’s husband’s family will be inclined to let my nephew go once they have been raising him for awhile.  I think it is more likely that, when my sister and my niece go to Belize this summer for a visit, no one will be coming back to America.  Given the urgency of the situation, the Prince and I visit my sister’s family next weekend (the 9th and 10th).  I told my sister that I do not want to talk about why we are there.  She knows how I feel about the decision she is making and I know her reasons for making the decision.  We are never going to agree on this, so why make things uncomfortable.  It is going to be so hard to say goodbye, but I’ve decided that it would be harder to regret not saying goodbye.  So there’s that going on.

Because I am now going away for that weekend in April, I have had to reschedule things I had planned for that weekend…moving them to the next weekend.  The problem is, that next weekend I am registered for (and have paid to attend) the annual MENSA Mind Games event…where toy companies submit prototypes of new games for MENSA members to play and judge.  You must play 30 games between Friday at and Sunday at   So, it is essentially a game marathon.  You aren’t expected to sleep.  I am also supposed to be attending a friend’s baby shower and marriage counseling that Saturday.  I have written to the Mind Games director and explained that I have a health issue that will make it next to impossible for me to fulfill my duties as a participant.  I will give my spot up for one of the people on the waiting list or someone who could not afford the registration fee, and will just volunteer as my “condition” allows.  Realistically…I’m not lying.  IF is a health condition, and how am I going to handle taking Lupron injections and estrogen pills, while playing games for 40 hours?  I know how I am on those meds…I’m liable to cry every time I lose a game…and cry every time I win a game.  Plus, I get so fatigued, I don’t think I can stay up for 40 hours straight.  I’m not even sure that it is a good idea to go to my friend’s baby shower, even if I can get out of Mind Games, because I foresee mental exhaustion and terrible hormone imbalances making me a mess that day.  Sprinkle in a little morning marriage counseling and it is really a recipe for disaster.

The medium/intuitive I saw on Wednesday night (I know…I have to get back to that at some point) said (as I was walking down the hall towards her) “Your mind is like a rolodex…stuff just spinning and flying all over.  You really need to slow it down.  Make some space.  Clear your social calendar and focus on making space for a baby.”  I’ve got to say, I feel like she’s right.  But it is so hard to say “no,” especially when there are so many things I want to do.  I keep crying today.  I don’t know if it is because of the Lupron/coming off the pill, because of exhaustion or because I am sending out all of my emails telling people I just can’t do things this month.  I wish I had some catchy April Fool’s themed post to offer today, but I don’t.  Even writing is taking a lot of effort today.


New Year Mum said...

Sounds like a good idea to clear some space for yourself and your future bub.... others will understand and you'll be able to get some rest. I'll be thinking of you all this cycle and hoping for you every step of the way. I heard someone say the other day that clearing time/ space/ energy can free up the space for something new to enter your life.... I'm working on that idea to allow the room for a little baby to enter my hectic life - sounds like you're doing the same thing xoxo

China Doll said...

I agree with New Year Mum's comment.. allow yourself to take some time out and rest when you need to.. you don't need to do everything :)