Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Update to the Update...

The good news is…my cycle is not cancelled or in much danger of being cancelled.  The bad news is, the birth control pill has had such a bad reaction with me (and my buddy Endo) that I can’t take it anymore.  I am having way too much bleeding and yet my uterine lining has doubled in size since Friday.  Weird!!! So, I have to switch to Lupron injections tomorrow.  That will put me a few days ahead of the egg donor and the other recipient, but I should be able to coast in suppression-mode until they catch-up.  For now…the schedule remains the same.

The really bad news is that the Lupron is going to make the bleeding and the pain worse for a few days before things quiet down and get better.  UGH!!!  The really good news is that my RE was kind enough, at my behest, to give me more pain medication in anticipation of what is to come (have I mentioned how sympathetic my RE is?) and reassured me that what is going on with my body right now is not endangering the success of this cycle.  So that is the update on my update.  Thank you for your patience with all of these crazy posts.  It just feels so good to send my “crises” out there…as if blogging about them ships the problems out into the universe for the purpose of resolution.  And even if it doesn't resolve things...the out-pouring of support from all of you ladies makes the crises seem less overwhelming.  

Oh…speaking of overwhelming…while I was in the RE’s waiting room this afternoon, nervously thinking through every possible negative scenario and how I would handle it….I received a Facebook message from my (22 year-old) sister (over my phone).  She and I have been playing phone tag for a couple of weeks and she finally just wrote me a FB message because she wanted me to know that she is sending my two-year-old nephew with his father to Belize.  She had this plan before…when it looked like her worthless husband was going to be deported last November…and then again this February.  But he wasn’t deported and so my nephew stayed with her.  But now, Worthless Husband is voluntarily leaving the country and will be taking my nephew with him... within the next two weeks...meaning I may never see my nephew again. 

By way of background, my sister had my niece (who is now 5) and my nephew (2) with Worthless Husband when she was very young.  They have had multiple domestic violence and legal issues that make it difficult for me to support my sister, even with the kids in the picture.  When my nephew was being born in the hospital, she was being evicted from her apartment, so she and her family were homeless when she left the hospital with the baby.  The Prince and I have always offered to take them in and care for the children while she and Worthless Husband work.  We even said they could stay rent and grocery bill free, and we would pay for diapers, etc.  All they had to do was hold down at least part time jobs and put at least 80% of their net pay into savings accounts, so they could get back on their feet.  Our offers have been refused because they don’t want anyone telling them what to do.  How very mature.

My sister has financially supported her husband and the children, in a city four hours away from me, with a lot of charity and welfare assistance (and some sister assistance when the Prince isn’t paying attention and I’m feeling particularly weak).  Not once has her husband gotten a job to help support his children or even looked after the children while my sister worked.  He is too busy playing $60 videogames while the children run around with no diapers (seriously…they once ran out of diapers for two weeks and the kids pooped and peed on the floor or in their pants.  We had to drive four hours to buy the kids diapers and toilet paper and food.).  They rarely have toilet paper, so my niece doesn't even know how to wipe when she goes to the bathroom (or flush...or wash her hands afterwards).  When my sister first told me, back in November, about her plan to send my nephew away, I asked her how she could do that and she said “I just don’t love him that way.  I never really bonded with him.  I feel bad saying that, knowing that you want a baby…but it’s the truth.”  It broke my heart that she could feel that way then.  It breaks it just as much now.  Worthless Husband and I don’t mince words about how we feel about one another, so he won’t allow my husband and I to take my nephew.  He says that he doesn’t want his child to “grow up spoiled and materialistic.”  I say “Sell your X-box 360 and the rest of your belongings to put food on your kids’ table, and then you come lecture me about how materialistic I am.”  So…my nephew will soon be flying to live in his new home…which is in a village with no indoor plumbing (according to my sister)….to start his new life with no mother (and no aunt...and likely still no diapers or toilet paper).  I can’t even wrap my mind around this.  I’ve just said a lot…but I feel like I have no words to express how this situation makes me feel.  I know it isn’t healthy to ask “Why?” about stuff like this…but really?!?  Why?!?  And to pour a little more salt in the wound on this one, this sister is the same one I had custody of when she was a teenager.  I try to tell myself she was broke before I was able to get her out of her situation, but I was always her mother figure.  How could I have helped create this situation?  A mother incapable of loving her child…it seems inconceivable and yet, the sister that I love unconditionally is that person.  How do I reconcile that?

So that’s how my day went…at least my day up until the meeting with the psychic, which is a story that will have to wait for another post. 


One Cycle at a Time said...

I'm so sorry. That's a heavy load to bear. It's so unfair that we have to have relatives that take for granted the one thing we can't have.

That's great news about the cycle!!! Hoping you get your BFP after all this! :-)

New Year Mum said...

Great news that you can go ahead with this cycle and that medication will help improve the pain... but so sorry that you have to go through it getting worse before it gets better. It must break your heart to see you nephew move away and all that he and his sister have to go through at such a young age. Sounds like an awful situation and so hard to witness and feel as though all you offers of help have not been accepted. You are so compassionate and patient... I admire you xoxo

Lindsey said...

First off, i'm so glad the cycle isn't cancelled!! You've handled endo this far so I have no doubts that you'll coast right through coast mode.

Secondly, I can't believe you were able to write all that about your sisters children so calmly! I cussed multiple times while reading it! I am so sorry about the whole situation and I hope you can go see your nephew before he goes.

Anonymous said...

1. YEA for the cycle being on track!!!
2. SOOOOO sorry you are having to prepare for more pain in the near future :(
3. OMG!!! I can't believe how different you and your sister are. I can't imagine having someone deny the help you have offered to help their own children!!!

China Doll said...

So happy that your cycle isn't affected but wish it could be easier for you..

Can't really comment on your sister's story because I'm still a bit stunned.. hope you get to see your nephew xx