Saturday, March 12, 2011

Royal Pain in the Butt...

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Today I received our consent forms for the cycle.  The “royal decree,” if you will.  As in most fairy tales, we need to know what the rules are for the next leg in our journey.  I thought it would be exciting to get the forms...more information (ahhhhh sweet information)…a catalyst of sorts.  Something that would sling me into a “go-getter” attitude about this donor cycle.  It wasn’t everything I had hoped for.  Instead, the more I read, the more I cried.  Instead of being a royal decree, the forms have been a royal pain in the a$$.

The donor coordinator messed up the medications she had previously told me I needed to supply, meaning I have to pay $1500 more for meds than I had anticipated.  The financial information is also different from what I had been told.  I was told I would pay $4200 and my insurance would be billed for the rest…and that I might even get a refund from the $4200 depending on what the insurance covered.  But the consent form says that I have to pay $6200 up-front or $4200 and $167 per month for 12 months.  There is no mention of my insurance coverage or of any reimbursement.  I’m so frustrated.  There is other paperwork (like our expected medication schedule) that is not filled in.  There are medication directions that are contrary to what I have been told by my clinic and contrary to what I have been taking right along.  It all just makes me sick.

I know, in my head, that this is okay.  The important stuff (like my name, the Prince’s name, our donor number, etc.) is correct on the forms.  It is just clear that the donor wasn’t paying very close attention…okay…not paying attention at all when she filled out the majority of the consent forms.  It will be okay.  Even if we have to pay more money up-front, it’s not like we don’t have it in the bank (barely).  I won’t be happy…but I know it will be okay.  Nothing so far, even the medication screw-ups, is a deal-breaker for our cycle.  But for someone as detail-oriented as I am, this is like a slap in the face.  I want to yell “Don’t you understand how important this is to me?  If your only chance at getting the most important thing in your life depended on you getting information right…I’m betting you would pay closer attention to what you are doing!”  I won’t yell, though.  And I know I’ll even stop crying (soon).  But right now, I’m really angry.  I don’t know what is going on in this woman’s personal or professional life that might account for the oversights, and I probably should be more understanding and less quick to judge.  But if being an egg donor coordinator was my job, I know I would be empathetic and would make sure that I made everything as smooth as possible for the couples involved.  This woman does not do that.  She clearly did not even proofread the “royal decree” before she sent it to me.

My husband was told in marriage counseling this morning that he needs to be “the rock” this cycle.  He needs to step in whenever he can to help out.  The Prince has always been willing to deal with the donor coordinator…since the first time she made me cry.  But I am never willing to let go.  I think I feel like everything is so out of my control…I have to keep the communication with the coordinator as “mine,” because it is control over information…and that’s something.  However, when the Prince said today, as I cried and complained about the forms, “Let me deal with her from now on.,” I said, “Okay.”  I will make the phone call on Monday to try to straighten things out…only because I am the one that directly received information from the coordinator contrary to the information she is now providing.  After that, any more bumps in the road are going to be handled by the Prince…even though he doesn’t know an egg from an embryo (still).  “Let go” is frequently my yoga intention (the thought or goal you strive for and focus on during a yoga session).  So…I’m practicing letting go by taking this one step…and it is really scary.


New Year Mum said...

How frustrating !! I'm with you on preferring to be in control of everything... and would find it very difficult to let go. Great that you can use it as a yoga intention - I've never tried that before. With you every step of the way and hope that this is the only bump to deal with and that you can get onto the more real part of the cycle. Hoping for your golden egg to be delivered soon xoxo

China Doll said...

I agree.. being in control really helps me but I am also trying to learn to let go sometimes too.. it really helps when dealing with our Chinese clinic :0

I've been using your 'let go' mantra at my yoga classes too :)