Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Then and Now

INFERTILITY v PREGNANCY

Then:   Sick and bloated from fertility medications
Now:   Sick and bloated from pregnancy hormones

Then:   Relying on my friends to put up with my constant need for support and reassurance
Now:   Relying on my friends to put up with my “falling off the face of the Earth” for days at a time

Then:   Scared I would never get to experience the joy of being pregnant
Now:   Scared that I am taking the joy of being pregnant for granted as the weeks fly by

Then:   Struggling to not feel guilty about my need to take care of myself above all else
Now:   Struggling to not feel guilty about my need to take care of myself and the baby above all else

Then:   Irritated that pregnant women can be so insensitive
Now:   Irritated that I may have become the insensitive pregnant woman

Then:   Feeling guilty for not being able to get pregnant
Now:   Feeling guilty for being pregnant when some of my friends are not

Then:   Hopeful that each cycle was going to be “the one” for me and The Prince
Now:   Hopeful that each cycle is going to be “the one” for my fertility friends

(AS AN ASIDE…AS I WAS WRITING THIS, WE JUST HAD A SMALL EARTHQUAKE.  I DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE UNTIL MY COWORKERS TOLD ME THE BUILDING WAS BEING EVACUATED BECAUSE OF THE SHAKING.  THE BABY WAS KICKING…SO I DIDN’T REALLY FEEL THE FLOOR SHAKING.  OBVIOUSLY, I AM BACK TO FINISHING THIS ENTRY…SO IT WASN’T SERIOUS.  A 5.8 STARTED IN VIRGINIA AND MANAGED TO MAKE ITS WAY TO US…IN UPSTATE NY).

Then:   Noticed the small earthquake we had last summer
Now:   Oblivious to small earthquakes

Then:   Worried that conceiving via donor eggs would make me feel like less of a "mother"
Now:   Already feeling like I am 100% the mother of the baby inside me

Then:   Grateful for this blog and the amazing friends I’ve made through the blog
Now:   Grateful for this blog and the amazing friends I’ve made through the blog     

1 comment:

Joys Truly said...

Love this post. You are amazing for going through what you have gone through to have this baby. Don't feel guilty about anything - true friends realize you go through stuff and do not hold it against you, you could never be the annoying pregnant lady because you know what it is like to be on the other side and I have no doubt if you are even thinking of half of these things you will be and are an amazing mom already.