The Gift

How do you thank someone for giving you the most precious gift there is...the gift of life?  Obviously, nothing would ever be adequate...but wouldn't you have to try?  I've thought long and hard about whether to write this post...whether describing what I am presenting to our donor somehow becomes cheapened if I share it with anyone other than her.  Ultimately, what made me decide to share the information in this post was my memory of how this blog started.  I started writing "The Princess and the Pee Stick" because I needed to work through my emotions and feelings surrounding infertility and the donor egg process, without regard for how my thoughts and words were received.  I need to write this post because deciding how to thank our egg donor has been something that has consumed me for some time now.  I am still working through whether I am getting this right.  So, I'm putting this out there in hopes that, as with other issues in the past, this blog helps to reassure me and clarify my thoughts and feelings on this issue.

I've known for awhile now that I wanted to give our donor a small gift and a note, attempting to express our appreciation for what she is putting herself through to help our dreams come true.  The gift, as you might expect, was much easier to find than were the words for the letter.  But even deciding on a gift wasn't easy.  I had read on some egg donor blogs that, while they felt uncomfortable when the recipients bought them expensive jewelry, most appreciated smaller tokens of appreciation that were clearly from the heart.  I decided to get our donor a Willow Tree angel.  These wooden  and wire angel sculptures are about 6 inches tall, and are incredibly expressive, despite their lack of facial features.  I decided to give our donor the one I've pictured above.  She is the Angel of Gratitude.  I went back and forth for a long time trying to decide which angel to get, but when I saw her, I thought that she was the best fit.  She looks a little like me, a little like the donor, and she has blue flowers behind her back (and my donor's favorite color is blue).

When I went to the Hallmark store to buy the gift, I stumbled upon a "Thank you for being our donor" card...no kidding!  Who knew that they made such a card?  On the outside of the card, it says "What you did was amazing, beyond generous and kind.  You started a miracle.  You have given the gift of life."  And on the inside it says "How can anyone thank you enough for that?"

The card is great, but I wanted to personalize the message as well (we all know that I am not a "short and sweet" kind of girl...I'm a little long-winded).  This is my one chance to express my feelings to our donor, and I'm not going to be shy about saying what is in my heart.  I'm ending this post with the draft of the letter that I intend to put in the card because...well...I think it says everything I have to say today.

"Dear Donor,

Words could never adequately express how grateful we are for the amazing gift you have given to us.  For three long years we have gone through one failed IVF cycle after another, trying desperately to complete our family.  We know what a commitment it is, both physically and emotionally, to go through the process of injections and monitoring, and we really appreciate what you've done to help us reach our goal of raising a family.

We have come to view ourselves as a mother and father without a child and, until you came along, it seemed that our dream of holding our baby in our arms might never come true.  You have provided us with the chance to become the parents that we know in our hearts we are meant to be.  You are our angel of hope and, although we can never repay your kindness and generosity, please know that we acknowledge how truly beautiful and special you are.  Regardless of how this cycle turns out, we cannot thank you enough for your selfless sacrifice.  You will always have a special place in our hearts.

Wishing you happiness, health and joy always,

The Mother and Father-to-be."