Wednesday, May 18, 2011

A Letter To An Old Friend...

Welcome back Anxiety, my old friend.  I would say it has been too long, but, in truth, it hasn’t been long enough.  I thought we had an understanding…that you would leave me alone, at least for the next month, so I could enjoy being pregnant before you moved in and ruined it.  You did not live up to your end of the bargain.  Instead, you have crashed my party like an unwanted guest that just won’t leave.  You’ve left me shaking and gasping for breath, as my chest gets tighter and tighter.  You have me writing a blog post at 2:00 a.m., because, for the second night in a row, you won’t let me sleep.  You have my stomach in knots and my mind racing, and it isn’t fair.  I wasn’t supposed to see you so soon.

I understand that The Prince opened the door to you the other night, but I am really irritated that you leave him alone when it isn’t convenient for him to deal with you, and yet you follow me around at work, and while I’m eating, and while I’m trying to sleep.  Even my dreams aren’t safe from you…and I’m not the one that invited you in.  You cause me so much pain, yet you are so easy to embrace and so difficult to kick out.

At least I’ve learned a lot about you over the last three years.  I know that you’ve gotten comfortable in my life the last couple of days, at least in part because I have allowed myself to consult Dr. Google on everything I fear about being pregnant and being a mother.  That stops today.  No more Googling…anything!  I also know that you are taking advantage of my fear of doing yoga this early in the pregnancy.  I know how you hate it when I do yoga, as yoga makes it difficult for you to stay with me.  Well…tomorrow I am going to add an additional morning walk to my current brief lunchtime walk…and I’m going to use my “walk time” to breathe you away.  I don’t care that it is raining straight through next week, I like the rain.  And nothing is going to stop me from walking away from you.  Oh, and in three weeks, yoga is coming back too…so be forewarned.

I won’t have you ruining my “happily ever after.”  I know you have the power to do it, but I’m not going to let it happen.  I’ve worked too hard, and waited too long, to have this moment of joy taken away from me.  And, I know that if I let you rest in my home, even for a little while, it will be even harder to make you go away.  So, you need to leave now.  I know you can’t be ignored, but you can be starved.  Our home will have a “no anxiety-fueling policy” from now on.  You’ll see how strong The Prince and I can be when we need to be.  Now leave me alone and let me sleep, so I can keep you at bay tomorrow.

Your Former Friend,
The Princess



New Year Mum said...

Anxiety is such a nasty pest... don't be hard on yourself though. Hope she disappears soon and stays away. The only problem with pregnancy is being so long... pace yourself and I agree that googling is too much fuel for anxiety... I've had to stop doing it myself. Hope you get back to sleep and walking/yoga are gorgeous remedies xoxo

China Doll said...

Definitely stay away from Google.. definitely fuel for the anxiety fire! Though I know it's easier said than done :) I hope you manage to regain your peace xx

Christina said...

I have to admit that I haven't googled too much with this one. Most of it was what to expect at my 6wk u/s. No symptoms check, not "cramping" or what have you searches. It is very nice.

That's not to say Anxiety isn't still around. It is, but it's pushed a bit back and isn't constantly at the forefront.

Just try and enjoy each day as it comes, and limit to worrying about tomorrow. Very cliche, but effective.

My email offer still stands if you want to talk/etc!

Anonymous said...

WOnderful letter!!! While Dr. Google can be good, he can be evil as can our knowledge on everything from those around us in real life and in bloggerville.
Focus on the now, today and not tomorrow or the what can be's. You are pregnant, your numbers are great and this will work out!!! Goodbye Anxiety :)

Sandy said...

I hate anxiety. Everything seems to be going well so far in your pregnancy so try to enjoy it. I love your letter!

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