We Are Experiencing Techinical Difficulties...

This will make more sense later in the post...This is not The Prince, but the picture gives you an idea of what he looks like in his poofy robe.



Apparently, Blogger is having some technical difficulties, as I have been having a very tough time accessing my blog.  My post from yesterday has been totally erased.  Thank you to all of you who posted your kind comments and advice in response to yesterday’s post, before it disappeared.  Your comments made a lot of sense (of course) and really helped with my anxiety.  That said, there’s this silly, superstitious part of me that is trying to read something into my “first positive beta post” being the post that disappears, but I’m not going to allow myself to go there.  If nausea is any indication, things are going great.

For those who didn’t get to see yesterday’s post, the big news was that my first beta test came back at 117 and my second beta is Monday.  I won’t rehash all of my feelings about everything that is going on and, even if I did, they might not be the same as what I wrote yesterday.  My thoughts and feelings about being pregnant and, more specifically, being a pregnant infertile, change from minute to minute.  For the most part, today was a good day.  I’ve spent less time “feeling” and more time “doing.”  I bought my first pregnancy book and a belly band (I’m so bloated from this stupid Progesterone, I need it now…).  I cleared my weekend schedule (except for marriage counseling tomorrow…that’s not getting cancelled), and I wrote down a “To Do” list, with the understanding that it may be more of a “Didn’t Do It, Yet” list by the end of the weekend.

I was initially supposed to go to a relaxation retreat this weekend.  The doctor who performed my transfer (yep…the chanting and holding hands one) was hosting a relaxation retreat, focused on embracing a more positive outlook in life (something I could certainly benefit from).  I signed up prior to the “transfer experience” and well before the recent events in my life.  The retreat is being held at the doctor’s lake house…and I have to be honest…I was probably more excited about seeing where this guy resides than about the programming at the retreat.  But today, as I sat at my desk, I thought “I don’t feel like being cramped in a car, driving three hours each way for a one day retreat.  I don’t feel like spending $100 on gas, or $45 on the retreat, or $200 on hotel and food for Saturday night, just so I can go ‘relax and be positive’ for seven hours on Sunday.”  It occurred to me that I would be spending the equivalent of a piece of baby room furniture to go to this one day retreat (Yep…the “frugal” part of me has already kicked in and is thinking of things in terms of “baby item value” instead of straight monetary value).  So…I cancelled.  I offered to pay the registration fee because I am sure it is an inconvenience that I am cancelling at the last minute, but it just isn’t realistic for me to try to make that trip this weekend.

So, my plan is to rest, do some light laundry and cleaning, rest, do some shopping, and rest…did I say that one already?  The Prince has to attend the chemistry department’s graduation ceremony on Saturday (I LOVE the funny poofy faculty robe and hat he has to wear…laughing at him in that get-up never gets old), so I will even get the house to myself for awhile.  I also plan to try to update my blog and iron out the kinks that have popped up lately.  In short, I am going to enjoy myself…and practice being positive from home…chanting optional.